Are you a paranoid chucklehead who sleeps with an Uzi under your pillow? What about a reasonable citizen who stockpiles weapons over legitimate concerns that the federal government will soon be coming to appropriate your dinette set? Or perhaps you are just a giant nerd unaware that some people speak face to face instead of on the computer.
If you are any of these, then you're probably concerned about the threat of a zombie apocalypse. Thanks to shark-jumping specialists Zombie Industries, you can be ready.
The company sells a wide variety of models for target practice that not only look like zombies, aliens, killer clowns, undead rabbits and pigs, but those suckers bleed and disintegrate when shot, just like human flesh.
"The destruction is easy to see with every shot. ... Mutilation baby!" reads the company's website.
You can also order your zombies dressed as Nazis, North Korean soldiers or Taliban fighters. Just order up the bust of whatever foreigner you irrationally fear most, put it on a pike and pump that bitch full of lead like an '80s movie badass. And if that's not good enough for you, order up "The Ex," the sportsman's version of the Real Doll, and unload like you wanted to in real life without fear of prison.
The bleeding targets cost $89.95 and can handle various numbers of rounds, depending on their size.
Boise Army Navy stocks paper versions of the zombie targets for $1.97-$2.97 and currently has one bleeding target.