Opinion » Lingo Yarns

Yellowstone hike Wrap up and going to jail

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Days in backcountry: 4

Miles hiked: 43

Times crossed continental divide: 6

Biggest hill: 25

Times rained on: 5

Times hailed on: 2

Wildlife seen: 1 deer

Tracks seen: one coyote, one bear cub

Wolf packs heard howling: 1

Fish caught: 0

Hikers seen on trail: 23

Horses seen on trail: 7

Geysers seen erupting: 1

Blisters: 5

Numb toes: 6

Times almost vomited from exhaustion: 3

Mosquitoes that bit me: 1,000,000

Joy once I got back to the truck: priceless

I'm going to jail and I need your help. No, you won't see my mugshot on the Ada County Web site yet, but I still need bail. For years I've avoided the Jail & Bail fundraisers, coming up with excuses to avoid the charade of being arrested and interrupting valuable work time. I'm afraid my time has come and I am now committed. At least this one doesn't involve the embarrassment of police coming to arrest me at the office. Nope, with this one I have to turn myself in.

The local March of Dimes chapter will be holding their fundraiser the day this paper comes out, Wednesday, August, 18. At noon I will turn myself in at the Outback Steakhouse on Overland and await you, our dear readers, to come and bail me out. Apparently my bail has been set at $1,000 so I need 1,000 of you to donate $1, 200 to donate $5, or 20 of you to donate $50. Just come on down and pay my bail during lunch. I'll give you one of my french fries.

The March of Dimes funds important research, grants and education to further the mission of improving the health of Idaho's babies by preventing birth defects and infant mortality. In an average week in Idaho 392 babies are born, 40 of them premature. Forty-seven babies are born to mothers who receive inadequate prenatal care and three babies die before their first birthday. That's per week! Help the March of Dimes lower those numbers and help me get out of jail. Think of the children. Besides, I don't want to become somebody's jailhouse wife.

If you read this after my incarceration you can still donate to the March of Dimes. Just call 336-5421.