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Wisdom Is Not All It's Cracked Up To Be


No matter what your teachers and parents have told you, being able to lie convincingly is a very real and valuable skill. However, no matter what Tyler Higheagle and Kyle Wisdom tell you, that skill has nothing to do with having a cool name.

Higheagle and Wisdom were arrested on a variety of charges on Saturday, October 7 after not being able to keep their stories together. Police had received a tip that unwanted salesmen had been bothering folks in Ontario, and pulled over two men who matched the description of the salesmen. The men claimed to be selling vacuum cleaners door to door without solicitation licenses. That, and they were having a few beers while driving. Here is a BW editor's rendition of what that conversation sounded like:

"What are you up to this evening?"

"Nothing shady, officer. Could you maybe move that flashlight out of my eyes, please? Ambrose 'The Sistokutioner' Jr. and I are just keeping it real and celebrating another day of helping people find the quality vacuum of their dreams at a reasonable price."

"I see. Nice beer."

"Officer, I have just the vacuum for you. Four horsepower, extra attachments included, and it'll suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch. And I'll make you the deal of a lifetime, or my name isn't Winfield Laprarie."

"Uh-huh. I'm going to need to search your car."

While "Winfield Laprairie" and "Ambrose Sisto, Jr." are, according to the phone book, the names of real men in Lapwai and Kamiah, those men weren't the men in the car. An officer discovered this when he searched the vehicle, found a phone bill addressed to Tyler Higheagle, called the number and--"Blink blonk! ... 'I'm all out of love ... I'm so lost without you' ... blink blonk!"--Mr. faux-Laprarie's phone began ringing. Both men copped to their real names at that point, and Higheagle confessed that he had been trying to mask the fact that he was driving on a suspended license. They were also charged with having open containers, giving false information and not possessing solicitor's licenses.