WHAT'S NEXT? CATS THAT LIKE HUMANS?
An American company has created what it calls the world's first hypoallergenic cat by breeding out the protein in cats which causes allergic reaction in humans. California-based Allerca Lifestyle Pets claims to have bred over 20 allergy-free cats and already has hundreds of advance orders from around the world. Of course, not everyone is happy with this latest step towards a perfect world. PETA's European director Poorva Joshipura accused Allerca of treating cats as "nothing more than today's latest designer handbag" and warned that "breeding for a certain genetic trait can lead to numerous health problems, including physical deformities, deafness, eye diseases and a host of other ailments." But that won't stop the allergic suckers who want cats ... these critters are selling for a whopping $5,000 each. (The Scotsman)
WITHOUT OBSCENE PROGRAMS, WHAT'S THE POINT OF WATCHING TV?
The U.S. Senate has passed the Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act by a 379-25 vote making it much more expensive to air "obscene or indecent" programs on television. For example, it's now 10 times as expensive to say "fuck" on TV, with the fine increasing from $32,500 to $325,000. This legislation also slapped a $550,000 fine against CBS for the horror of showing one human breast during the 2004 Super Bowl. (TVTechnology.com)
"WE'RE FOLLOWING ORDERS"
Alien abductee researcher Preston Dennet has compiled a list of things that aliens sometimes say to their abductees. Dennett admits that face-to-face encounters with aliens are by far the rarest type of UFO experience, and extraterrestrials are very reluctant to talk to their abductees. However, in 20 years of research he has found a handful of cases where aliens have actually spoken. Generally, he says, aliens don't speak, and when they do speak, they often repeat themselves, saying the same few phrases to all of their abductees. Here then, are some of the top alien phrases: "Do not be afraid, we won't hurt you"; "You won't remember this"; "We need babies"; "Our emotions are different than yours"; "We are from a place you don't know about yet"; "We've been here a long, long time"; and "It is very important we do this." (Llewellyn Journal)
HAIL SATAN JR.
According to a story from the United Kindgom's Mirror newspaper, a woman in Bristol gave birth to her baby shortly after 6 a.m. on June 6, 2006 (6/6/06), after a six-day-long labor. And then, in order to make it into this column, the happy parents named the child Damien. (The Mirror)
HOLY GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION BATMAN!
Because the audience for comics consists mainly of horny-but-frustrated young teenage boys, DC Comics has announced it will resurrect Batwoman as a lesbian in a series to begin this July. A straight-faced spokesperson for DC claimed this marketing schtick wasn't simply about the sex, saying that "We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe. We have strong African-American, Hispanic and Asian characters. We're trying to get a better cross-section of our readership and the world." Uh-huh ... I'm not sure how exactly they plan to squeeze hot lesbian sex into the crime-fighting antics of my new favorite superhero, but I can't wait for the movie ... (CBC)
USUALLY, INFLATABLE TOYS DON'T COME OUT UNTIL AFTER YOU'RE DRUNK
If you didn't get what you want for Father's Day (or even if you did) you can go order your very own inflatable pub from Airquee.co.uk, the company which also created the world's first inflatable church. The pub pumps up in about 10 minutes and measures 40 feet long, 14 feet wide, and 22 feet high, which is enough room for 30 of your drunk friends.
FOR ALL YOUR SHITTY MUSIC
If taking a big dump has lost its thrill, it might be time to spring for the new iPod docking station, which comes complete with a toilet paper roll holder. Check it out at Atechflash.com/products-icarta.html
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
Seventy-two percent of pet owners kiss their pets before they kiss their spouse after getting home from work, and 18 percent of pet owners consider their pet a "genius."
Get waaay more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.