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We Hardly Knew Ye


Hoist a pint to Princess, the most notorious terrorist in the greater Lewiston/Clarkston area. Princess died of unknown causes on an unknown date, and her simple funeral at a Lewiston gas station was probably attended by only her dearest friends, judging by the hand-decorated purple box in which they stowed her body. The funeral after-party, on the other hand, rocked so hard that the cops showed up.

Actually, officers were there because they received a tip from a truck driver that someone had left a suspicious package--a shoe box, by the looks of it--covered in tape behind the Exxon on Main Street. They used a portable x-ray device to scan the box's contents, and found them to be about as ominous as its decorations--a bunch of scribblings of the name "Princess" in gold marker. The video is priceless; watch it by following a link at Princess, it turned out, was just a dead rat. Good thing it was only a rat, right? Well, duh--but especially because all four municipal bomb squads in Idaho are down here. And while cities like Boise, Nampa and Twin Falls lend out their bomb squads to one another like the author shares sticks of Extra Classic Bubble Gum (see: BW, "Bombs: More Fun Than Laundry," April 25, 2007), northern Idaho cops must search a little further over the horizon.

"We'd be looking at calling the army out of Walla Walla," Piche said of the possibility of a real threat. "The Spokane Police Department also has one that would come assist us." As for Princess, Piche says officers disposed of her "in a proper manner in a gas station." Unfortunately, this means they didn't blow her up.