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Utah Just Can't Eat One


Damn you, Atkins diet! You may have passed into the same historical mists as Terry Schiavo, Idaho's "fairy shrimp" and that awful NBC sitcom Coupling, but the starch-fear you instilled in Americans lives on. To wit: The United Potato Growers of America has moved its headquarters from Twin Falls to Salt Lake City, in order to be closer to the Salt Lake City International Airport. Apparently our potatoes, like our jobs, are going overseas. "The industry is more widespread than most people think," said the collective's chief financial officer, James Gibas. "We, as well as our board members, travel a lot."

Yeah, whatever, James. Hopefully you enjoy your fries with beer that only has 3.2 percent alcohol.