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True Crime, Nov. 21, 2007

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You'll Soon Bean Jail

Did you ever feel a bit like you've been the target of an elaborately staged, brightly colored pickpocketing when paying $5 for a bean burrito at one of Boise's many "fresh Mex" chain restaurants? Your cashier just returned the favor.

Dateline: Columbia Village, where a husband and wife allegedly staged a fake robbery at Taco Del Mar on Federal Way while the wife was on the clock as a wrap wrangler. Boise Police arrested Tara Oliver, 20, and hubby William Oliver III, 19, just a day after the department released an ominous news release about an employee who felt someone stick a gun in her back while she was outside smoking just before closing time—oh, the terror of it all! After a few interviews, says BPD spokesperson Lynn Hightower, officers figured out that Frau Oliver's story smelled ranker than a day-old Wet Mondo Fish Taco, and they followed the sauce trail straight to Herr the Third. Both Olivers have been charged with felony burglary.

You Deserve it

Basic economic theory dictates if local businesses aren't willing to keep their doors open during teenagers' preferred shopping hours, then those teenagers will have no choice but to shop elsewhere. But who, you ask, is desperate enough to keep their doors unlocked during the hours the modern adolescent does want to shop? It just might be you. Put another way: Lock your car doors at night, taintbrain.

Ada County Sheriff's deputies noticed two prolific consumers, both 16-year-old males, walking along Chalmers Avenue in Kuna last Tuesday at around 4:15 a.m. After a bit of snooping, officers found a wealth of toys on the boys, including a stolen DVD player, several stolen laptops and a stolen bag packed with stolen money. Sheriff's Office spokesperson Andrea Dearden told BW that the items may have come from several different neighborhoods in the Kuna area, but they were united in having been taken from unlocked cars. "A majority, by far, of car burglaries happen in unlocked cars," she said. "It's in the 80s or 90s [percent]."

Deputies have been able to identify nine victims thus far in the investigation. If you fancy yourself the tenth, overcome your shame at being unable to operate a simple locking mechanism and call the Kuna Police Department at 208-922-5743.

Please Don't Hurt Me

In other news from the burglesphere, have you seen this man? He may have seen you. Actually, a lot of people may have seen you. After the Canyon County sheriff's office arrested Dennis Wesley Peterson, 25, of Parma, for stealing beaucoup jewelry and electronics from local residences, they gave newsies several pictures from a stolen camera to publish in the hopes of finding the owners. BW is too proud of Idaho's libertarian roots to engage in such blatant invasions of privacy (check them out at idahopress.com). However, we are not above making fun of the pictures in order to help prod the victims into action. Those are some nice rocks you and your kids are standing in front of. Is that picture from the time you and the other hillfolk raided and plundered a nearby village? And what does your son's shirt say in that other picture? Tough to make it out when you insist on sitting in the dark, Mr. Cheapy McDarkhouse. Wait ... the kid's shirt says, "NEED HELP? CALL 1-800-GRANDPA." Somebody do that. Or call the Canyon County Sheriff's office at 208-454-7480.

Shields Cops to Gratification

It's not a crime to get turned on by an electric shaver commercial. And with the types of ads being put out by Gillette and Phillips-Norelco these days—the former packed with gratuitous face-stroking and words like "soothing micro-pulses," the latter featuring curvy "grooming robots" who actually join men in the shower—it's reasonable to wonder if there's something wrong with your noodle if you don't associate razors with gratification both north and south of the belt. And yet, Donald Shields amazingly refrained from blaming the bad influence of the shave-bots when he pleaded guilty in an Ada County courtroom last week to video voyeurism charges. As astute readers may recall (BW, "Shields Primes his Pants," June 13, 2007), Shields and a team of housepainters in his employment were on a jobsite in Valley County in June when an 18-year-old female employee spotted a hidden video camera in a shaving kit just after she had finished taking a shower. The employee beckoned the Valley County mounties, who declined to arrest Shields on the scene but put out a warrant for his arrest the next day. While he maintained his innocence for a time, Shields changed course last week and gave Judge Ronald Wilper the straight dope.

"What did you do that for?" Wilper asked. "My own gratification," Shields replied. Well put.

Very Disturbing Reading

An old Western koan: If police find a creepy yellow swimsuit out in the desert and ask the public for help and nobody calls in, is the suit still creepy? Yes and no, says Ada County Sheriff's Office spokesperson Andrea Dearden. On the aye side, the precious few details officers released last month have all been ominous to the point of lip-curling: The suit first turned up in a remote area near Blacks Creek Road in June; it's a size 14 (possibly appropriate for a 9 to 11-year-old girl); and it reportedly shows both evidence of having been worn and of its wearer having been the victim of a sexual assault. Police were especially restrained in their accounts of the latter evidence, even altering photos of the suit to cover up evidence that looked kind of like tire tracks across the front of the suit. Dearden told BW the black stuff is actually "very disturbing writing" that pointed police to their assault hypothesis. But remember, there's also a point in the "nay" column: Nobody has called in. "We hope that means someone found the bathing suit [and added the writing]," Dearden said. "Since we haven't heard from anybody, the only thing we can hope is that there was no victim."