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Top 7 Things I Saw on TV This Week

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1. An infomercial for The Flavor Wave Deluxe cooking machine, where they cryogenically froze two prime rib roasts, dropping one from a hydraulic lift to shatter on the concrete below, and cooking the other and serving it to the audience.

2. A commercial for The Santa Clause 3 that refers to the movies as "the greatest holiday trilogy of all time."

3. A local news story about a "drug-free" awareness event in an elementary school where the footage of the children showed most of them gnawing on their red "drug free" bracelets instead of wearing them.

4. That commercial with the guy strumming a guitar and singing a heartfelt folk song about how great Snickers Bars are.

5. Mark Foley's childhood priest talking about Foley "misunderstanding" a little "fondling."

6. Mets vs. Cardinals, Game 7.

7. An episode of Tales from the Darkside, in which the special-effects corpses on the passenger train look more like really old chimpanzees.

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