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Top 7 Reasons Metallica Doesn't Suck

1. In the cultural scheme of things, their name went from cool to cheese and back to cool. (See entries under "Megadeth" and "Depeche Mode.")

2. James' T-shirts are looking mighty clean anymore.

3. Remember the money shot cover of Load?

4. Lars is nicely coifed these days.

5. You can let your 5-year-old listen to them without fear that anything edgy will pollute their little ears.

6. They gave Bob Seger the respect he deserves.

7. They've really cleaned up their act since therapy.

--BW's Melvins fans, in the spirit of bridge-building