BW Picks » Top 7

Top 7 Finalists of the Bulwer-Lytton a "Dark and Stormy Night" contest of the first line in a bad novel

1. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

2. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep ... Andre creep ... Andre creep.'"

3. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

4. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

5. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death-in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

6. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

7. "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying besides her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied to me!'"