Opinion » Heck

The Passion of the Dirk


Perhaps you noticed the revelation that occurred in last Wednesday's Idaho Statesman, but if not, here's a resurrection: As part of some nerdy book-thing or another, our esteemed Governor-turned-Cabinet-head Dirk Kempthorne was asked, "If you could save just one work of literature, what would you save? Why?" Kempthorne replied: "The Bible is literally the Word of God ... It is a source of inspiration, wisdom and love. It's a foundation of modern society--a foundation that spans numerous cultures and faiths. I don't know why you wouldn't protect it with your life."

I admit that my first response to this quote was an eye-roll--or more accurately, a "I know you dream of riding America's evangelical wave into the White House, Mr. Governor, but no Bible scholar worth his or her binding would use the word 'literally' like that no matter how much communion wine you pumped into 'em! What, you think he of the big white beard speaks in perfect King James English? Oh... you were actually thinking of Shakespeare. The correct answer was Shakespeare" eye roll.

Then we received this picture, and everything changed. As you can clearly see, this perfect, beautiful little Bible--a blonde Bible, no less--was out gathering Easter Eggs when she was abducted by ruffians and tied to a local railroad track. But it gets better. At the last moment, Kempthorne himself lived up to his word and risked life and limb to rescue her. Readers, you need to witness this inspiring story-in-pictures before the confirmation hearings begin. Look below to see how it ends.

--Nicholas Collias