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THE NEWS "THEY" DON'T WANT YOU TO HEAR - MY Ph.D. IN DONKEY KONG MIGHT COME IN HANDY - WHY WASTE MONEY ON CONDOMS? - THE WAY TO A MAN'S SOUL IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH

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THE NEWS "THEY" DON'T WANT YOU TO HEAR

If, for some reason, you want to be massively depressed, simply dig into this year's Project Censored: The Top 25 Censored News Stories of 2007. Among the nasty stories this year are these buzzkill headlines: Future of Internet Debate Ignored by Media; Halliburton Charged with Selling Nuclear Technologies to Iran; Oceans of the World in Extreme Danger; Pentagon Exempt from Freedom of Information Act; Destruction of Rainforests Worst Ever; Bottled Water: A Global Environmental Problem. Read the details at ProjectCensored.org.

MY Ph.D. IN DONKEY KONG MIGHT COME IN HANDY

Well kids, if your parents are constantly harassing you for playing too many video games, you might be able to shut them up by telling them that you're practicing for a career as a surgeon. A study done at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York found that surgeons who were avid video game players committed half as many surgical errors and were 39 percent faster than non-video game playing surgeons. So there! (Popular Science)

WHY WASTE MONEY ON CONDOMS?

A sexual education survey carried out during Contraceptive Awareness Week in Britain found that nearly a third of Britons believe that a woman can prevent pregnancy by jumping up and down, washing or urinating immediately after sex. (News.com.au)

THE WAY TO A MAN'S SOUL IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH

News out of India claims that prisoners are refusing to leave a jail in Bangalore ever since the Hare Krishnas won the contract to cook food for the inmates. The prison is now filled to more than twice its capacity, with some prisoners refusing to apply for bail and young offenders lying about their age in order to get the tasty grub at the adult prison. "When we are getting tasty, nutritious food three times a day here, why should we go out and commit crimes," explained one inmate. (AllHeadlineNews.com)

THIS IS WHY BABIES CRY

It's been a bad week to be born. First, the New Zealand government had to stop a couple from naming their baby "4real," then a couple of devout Republicans named their baby "Georgebush" (yes, one word), and, not to be outdone, new parents in Kansas called their child "Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K," with Urhines being pronounced as "your highness." (Neatorama.com)

NEXT SOMEONE WILL BE TRYING TO SELL PLASTIC BOTTLES FULL OF WATER

A Chinese company that was denied the right to sell moon land by the Chinese government has been struck down again, this time for trying to sell bags of "World Cup Air." The company had been trying to market green plastic bags full of air from stadiums that hosted soccer matches during the 2006 World Cup in Germany. Instead, Beijing's People Court ruled that "air is too vague and unstable a concept to be covered by commercial classifications." (Xinhua News Agency)

GENETICALLY lazy

Lazy-ass slackers in Denmark have decided to blame their genes for their inability to get out of bed in the morning and have formed the "B-Society" for people who hate to follow the timetable set by society. According to the group, A-people are those go-getters who get up bright and early and get to work. Meanwhile, B-people are genetically programmed to be more alert later in the day. "We're calling for an uprising against the tyranny of early rising," states the society's manifesto. Not surprisingly, the group boasts several thousand members after six months in operation. (BBC)

HORNINESS IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION

Who said kids these days aren't ingenious? The Libertatea newspaper out of Romania reports that a teenager was arrested after he tried to pay a prostitute with fake money that he had printed up on his computer at home. Police also uncovered homemade bus passes and doctors' certificates allowing the boy to skip school.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

Since 1950, Los Angeles has produced 10 percent of the world's serial killers.

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