Opinion » Bill Cope

The Flutter: IsH 15

The Official, Uncensored, Award-Winning News

by

But dear SFMPBers, how could we not mention "award-winning" now that we have won an award? Oh my golly, it is so exciting! Rajah Bill is so proud, we fear he could pop the button on his Dockers. And even better, the award we've won is the prestigious Award for Superb Excellence announced by The Society for Making People Better "Excellence in Newsletters" Association (SFMPB"EIN"A), just formed about three weeks ago.

You see, every year since The Flutter fulfilled Rajah Bill's dream of having his own newsletter, we have submitted entry after entry to the Gem State Association of Newsletter Publishers (GSANP) for consideration in their annual GSANP Awards Banquet and Silent Auction. And do you think they ever gave us even the consideration of notifying us they had received our entries?

No, they did not! The snooty brats! As Rajah Bill explained, the GSANP is such a consortium of good old "newsletter noodgies," as we call them in the trade, that they will hardly even look at anything that hasn't been around since the establishment of the creaky old Idaho Newsletter Code of Expectations, especially when that entry comes from any organization that, like us, prefers to stay above the squalor of paying dues to GSANP.

So guess what? Your Rajah decided (about three weeks ago) to start our own newsletter association, the SFMPB"EIN"A, complete with an annual awards banquet, the first of which was held about three weeks ago in the Party Room of a nearby Chuck E. Cheese.

And guess what again!? Our dear The Flutter took the top honor! Isn't that fabulous? And we can hardly wait until next year's banquet to see if we can repeat the accomplishment. In fact, even as we speak, your Rajah is in deep contemplation as to whether we should invite any other newsletters to participate, or to leave it as it is--uncomplicated by tawdry competition and exclusive only to those entries that have a proven record of winning SFMPB"EIN"A awards.

And now, on to other news.

•••

Other News: Rajah Bill has the highest of hopes that there will soon be another SFMPB chapter! If you're counting, that would bring the chapter count up to two! Perhaps even more exciting is this new chapter would be located in Florida. And who could use a Society for Making People Better more than Florida?

Here's how it happened, if it indeed happens: Last week, Rajah Bill and his wife--around SFMPB headquarters, we fondly refer to her as Mrs. Rajah Bill--played host to her brother and niece from that state which dangles off the underbelly of America like some enormous, alligator-infested skin tag. This brother-in-law of your Rajah is a fine man, upstanding in every way, and his daughter is well on her way to becoming a fine young lady. (We are not making this up: Simona just last month became the winner of the Miss Pre-Teen America Contest. How many of those do you have in your family, huh?)

During an evening of barbecued meat selections, freshly clipped potato bits and some food substance that we could not readily identify, the Rajah's brother-in-law--let us call him "Larry" until he is officially installed as Rajah of the Tampa Chapter--innocently inquired into the nature of the SFMPB, prompting your Rajah (Boise Chapter) to loquaciously explain what this thing of ours is all about. He even provided a copy of the SFMPB Rule Book to "Larry."

We must say, "Larry" was greatly impressed, exclaiming that, "My goodness, you must be beating back would-be SFMPBers with a stick!" to which Rajah Bill replied, "Uh, yeah. Sure."

It wasn't until the next day that it occurred to your Rajah how "Larry" might make a wonderful Rajah in his own right, and approached his guest with the opportunity to carry the SFMPB message back to the land of mold and murder acquittals. In his pitch, Rajah Bill outlined all the advantages of belonging to our dear Society--the strength of beneficent purpose, the brother/sisterhoodness of being part of such a compelling brother/sister hood, the prospects of winning major awards for excellence in newsletters and, of course, the monthly potlucks--and suffice it to say "Larry" was intrigued. His enthusiasm was overwhelming in his response, "Uh, yeah, Sure."

Keep your eye on The Flutter for further developments.

One last note: Rajah Bill has decided to award an honorary Rajahship to Robin Williams. Posthumously, of course. We don't think he'd mind at all.