Being unable to see the upcoming movies, we make our preview critiques based upon trailers, hype and our own skewed taste. Please be aware movie studios often change their release dates throughout the summer.
The Longest Yard-Adam Sandler cannot replace Burt. No way. Not happening. Even if Burt is in the new version to help him along.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-Teen girl flick. Sure, we like traveling pants as much as the next guy, but we have limits.
The Honeymooners-A two-hour version of the original, but this time they're black. We liked it better when it was called The Jeffersons.
The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D-Too many characters in the title. But we can't help but wonder what their kids would look like.
Saint Ralph-Small, indy-ish and starring Jennifer Tilley-who is neither small, nor indy-ish.
The Perfect Man-Two words ... Hillary Duff. 'Nuff said.
Herbie: Fully Loaded-If Herbie was fully loaded with weed, it might make it interesting. What? He is full of weed? It'll still suck.
Bewitched-TV good ... ish. Movie bad. Not even Will Ferrell can save this dog.
War of the Worlds-Aliens, Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins. Hmmm. It'll be better than Batman Begins that's for sure.
Rebound-A loudmouthed school basketball coach. Again. Hooray.
Fantastic Four-Can't Hollywood get creative and stop stealing comic book heroes and make up some original ones?
Dark Water-A summertime Grudge rip-off.
Hustle & Flow-A pimp seeking rap stardom? Sounds like a winner.
The Wedding Crashers-Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn ravishing bridesmaids.
Into the Blue-Big bikini factor, not a splash of substance.
The Bad News Bears-OK, if Billy Bob Thornton makes this one really, really bad, it might break into the bad-good, like the Bears themselves. We think it will be bad-bad.
The Devil Rejects: House of 1000 Corpses 2-Violence, drug use and foul language. Everything summer should be about.
Stealth-This summer's Air Force recruitment movie.
The Brothers Grimm-Terry Gilliam finally gives the brothers some credit instead of stealing their stories. Listening, Disney?
Must Love Dogs-This one already sounds like it'll make us hurl. Then we might eat some grass to settle our canine tummies.
Sky High-A school for superhero kids? With Kurt Russel returning to his Disney roots, you betcha!
Doom-Based on a video game. "Nuff said.
Four Brothers-A buddy revenge flick. Yawn, then cringe, then yawn.
3001-No it's not science fiction. It's Mike Judge's (King of the Hill, Beavis & Butthead) follow-up to the cult classic Office Space. Oh yeah. I'm gonna give her my "Oh" face.
Aeon Flux-A live-action film based on the late night MTV Aeon Flux cartoon. Sure to be cool and dark. And skin-tastic.
Red Eye-Horror usually doesn't get us excited, but with Wes Craven it's a different story.
The 40-Year-Old-Virgin-Sounds stupid, but with Steve Carell from the Daily Show you could pee your pants laughing.
The Cave-A cave. A cave-in. A creature. Three strikes.