Sometimes, we at BW wish we were rappers instead of writers. The reason--aside from the obvious, "rappers have those cool metal teeth"--is that we can't help but notice how much grade-A gangsta-pating is going down in this town without getting immortalized in rhyme like it should.
The most recent example: Last week, three local men were arrested for stealing BMWs from a local car lot. Police say the men were acquainted and were driving the stolen cars "for their own personal use." Add in a couple of ripped-off James Brown samples and rhyme "pimp juice" with "personal use," and there's your first verse, right there.
As for their apprehensions, one of the suspects, 21-year-old Jason Waidelich, was arrested last Friday following a call about a suspicious vehicle--not a particularly rap-worthy collar, except that he was in possession of a gun when he was arrested. The second suspect, Donald I. Koski, 22, put on a much better show. He was using the Beemer to give a couple of his homies a ride early last Thursday morning when a cop tried to pull him over for speeding. A high-speed chase ensued, but ended quickly when Koski, apparently unfamiliar with the intricacies of German automotive technology, bounced the car over a curb on Federal Way, busted through a plastic KFC/A&W sign--shattering the Colonel's mug most awesomely, it should be noted--flipped the car and rammed into the side of an IHOP restaurant. Neither Koski nor his passengers were injured, and he was hauled in on charges of grand theft and methamphetamine possession. Local news stations reported that the IHOP sustained some structural damage, but here's the BW exclusive: Of course the place suffered structural damage! As is clearly evident from our numerous and bitchin' pictures on www.boiseweekly.com, the "house" is nothing more than Styrofoam covered in fiberglass, for crap's sake!
As for the third and final verse ... What rhymes with IHOP? How about "run from da cops," which is what the third suspect, 23-year-old Raymond Simmons, did after officers waited until he was out of his car and pursued him. He was arrested and charged with grand theft and possession of drug paraphernalia.