It was like a costume party, an erotic fiction reading and a Marilyn Monroe convention all wrapped into one last week at the trial of Christopher Teague, a Boise strip club and escort service owner on trial in district court for being a big ol' pimp. Why were all of Teague's former employees witnesses wearing identical blonde wigs as they testified against him? Because blondes have more fun--and because, they said, they were afraid of being seen by the TV cameras. (Laugh if you want, as I did, but the women might have a point. Imagine how'd you'd feel at your next mainstream job interview, confident that the interviewer heard you admit on TV that you got your last job by getting busy with Teague at the interview. In this often news-starved red state, the witnesses might as well have a big "P" sewn on their clothes if their names get in the paper.)
In keeping with this column's customary method of covering serious felonies that also happen to be chock-full of hilarious one-liners, here are the top seven quotes from the first week of Pimpgate '07. The trial will continue this week.
7. "Is that same wig some other witnesses have used? I'll just ask you right out."
--Ada County District Judge Joel Horton.
6. "I don't know. Yes."
--"Gretchen," an escort testifying against Teague, answering Horton.
5. "That camera's going from that side to that side so they'll be staring at you rather than staring me."
--Judge Horton, apparently creeped out by the bleach-blonde clones on the stand.
4. "If Christopher Teague is a pimp, he's a bad one."
--Teague's defense attorney, D.C. Carr.
3. "He had porn playing on the TV when I went in there."
--Dominick Sauve, an undercover police informant who wore a wire to an interview with Teague.
2. "At one point, he rolls over. He's laying on his front, and he rolls over to his back and he's erect, and he says, 'You need to follow through.'"
--Ada County Prosecutor Jonathan Medema, describing an escort's interview
1. "The evidence will show that the powers that be want to shut Mr. Teague down, and they want to shut his business down because they feel like he raised his head a little too high."
--Carr (Wait...isn't that basically the same quote as No. 2?).