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PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE MONEY • JUST SAY YES, PLEASE • GET ME SOME SMOKES FOR MY BIRTHDAY • BE THE HEALTHIEST OLD GUY ALIVE • HOW TO SURVIVE DOOMSDAY • HE'LL B

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PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY HAVE MORE MONEY THAN PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE MONEY

The ever-growing "Stunningly Obvious Statistics" file gets a new entry with a report from the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, which discovered the shocking news that people who earn more than $110,000 per year are more satisfied with their jobs than people who earn less than $12,500 per year. (LiveScience.com)

JUST SAY YES, PLEASE

When you're thinking of ways to discourage kids from experimenting with marijuana, it might be best not to tell them that getting high might just make the party a lot more interesting. For example, you might not want to tell teenagers that there's a way better chance of getting laid if they smoke pot. Apparently it's true, as you can read for yourself at TheAntiDrug.com, a "Just Say No" brand of Web site that "warns" that "teenagers who use drugs are five times more likely to have sex than teens who do not use drugs."

GET ME SOME SMOKES FOR MY BIRTHDAY

There's an old Johnny Carson joke that goes something like this: "I knew a guy who gave up drinking, smoking and junk food. He was perfectly healthy until the day he killed himself." Which brings us to the latest in a series of 100-year-olds who mock your healthy living. This time, it's London's Winnie Langley, who has been smoking since World War I and celebrated her 100th birthday last week by lighting up her 170,000th cigarette with the flame from one of her birthday candles. She claims to have never had any health problems related to smoking and has outlived her husband and son. (Daily Mail)

BE THE HEALTHIEST OLD GUY ALIVE!

Medical staff and caregivers at senior homes in Denmark report that watching porn films and hiring prostitutes has far better effects on the health of old people than vitamins, medicines and other drugs. Staff at several homes in Denmark have started screening weekly porn flicks and some residents enjoy regular visits from prostitutes. Lars Petersen, a spokesperson for care workers in Denmark, reports that pornography is "healthier, cheaper and easier to use than medicine." Another care worker states, "It is time we show the elderly some respect and take their needs seriously, including the sexual ones." (Globe & Mail)

SHOES FOR WHORES

Artists at TheAphroditeProject.tv have created a GPS-enabled platform safety-shoe for sex workers. The four-inch heel contains a GPS receiver, an emergency button that relays the prostitute's location and silent alarm to emergency services, as well as an audible alarm system that can emit a piercing noise to scare off attackers.

HOW TO SURVIVE DOOMSDAY

Crazy French scientists at the International Space University are spearheading a project to create a sanctuary for humanity's culture and technology on the moon. The ARC Project (Alliance to Rescue Civilization) calls for a permanent lunar outpost that will house a biological and historical archive of our species' scientific and cultural achievements. Robotic missions will begin the work, but the ARC project envisions a human-staffed facility on the moon complete with a lunar extension of the Internet and a complete repository of all life on Earth. According to Robert Shapiro, one of the founders of ARC, the chance of humanity's extinction thanks to a doomsday asteroid or some other calamity "calls for the creation of a space age Noah's ark." Then, after we're all dead, "the ARC facilities will be prepared to reintroduce lost technology, art, history, crops, livestock and, if necessary, even human beings to the Earth." (National Geographic)

HE'LL BE TALKING TO NOTHING BUT SPIRITS FROM NOW ON

A traditional medicine man in Tanzania found out the hard way that you can't commune with the spirit world for three days if you're underwater. Nyasio Alfonso told his village that he would dive to the bottom of the river, receive revelations from his ancestral spirits, and resurface after three days. The villagers gathered around as he dove into the river, chanting and drumming for his spirit journey. Four days later, the party was over as villagers were forced to report the ill-fated stunt to local police, who found his corpse a few meters downstream from where he began. (AFP)