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Oh, Lazarus


Being young sucks. Or, more specifically, the inevitability of youthful misadventures sucks. No matter how self-evident the correct answers appear beforehand, you will screw up, and you will only learn how not to screw up by screwing up. But at least 18-year-old Lazarus J. Moon of Boise has finally gotten this crucial lesson out of the way: "Don't continue the car chase after you have driven over the spike strip."

According to a department release, officers responded to a report of possible shots fired from a vehicle at around 4:15 a.m. last Tuesday, April 25, somewhere on Bogus Basin Road. While they wuz all up in the Bogus piece, to use the parlance of today's 18-year-olds, the officers tried to pull over the 2005 Hyundai Accent Moon was driving. He wouldn't pull over, so officers unfurled a fat load of spikeitude. But even after getting his tires all fershnizziteed up, Moon kept rolling down Bogus Basin like he was all, "Whatever, all you did was make my low-rider a little lower."

After that, well ... the driver just began asking for trouble. Near the intersection of Bogus Basin and Curling, he swerved--if such an impotent vehicle is even capable of a "swerve"--into the lane of an oncoming police car. The officer was able to steer out of the way. After careening onto Harrison Boulevard at a steady clip of approximately 20 mph, the suspect narrowly missed several parked cars before a fed-up police officer finally bumped the Hyundai at a very slow speed in a meek attempt to end the embarrassment being inflicted upon this already feeble automobile. The car stopped, but was still facing another patrol car ... which the driver promptly accelerated into, causing more damage.

Moon was arrested and charged with a felony grab-bag including eluding a police officer, resisting and obstructing, aggravated assault and malicious injury to property. Two passenger in the vehicle, Elysse Taylor, 18, and Anthony Field, 19, both of Boise, were also arrested and charged with misdemeanor possession of paraphernalia.