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Not a Golf Club


Does somebody have a beef with the Simplots? Or maybe they're upset at Gov. C.L. "Butch" Otter?

Either way, their feelings— expressed in unique graffiti on the giant grassy hill of the governor's mansion, formerly the Simplot mansion—is at least misplaced, however, um, pointed it is.

It's pretty hard to miss if you're cruising up Bogus Basin Road near the intersection with Cartwright Road. Somewhere in the wee hours of last Wednesday night, someone tapped into their inner grass artist, and used weed-killing chemicals of some sort to outline the shape of a giant male phallus, pointed up, on the grass of Simplot hill Rough estimates, taken by BW's forensics team, put the boner at about 30 feet tall.

We're proud (worried?) to say we saw it first. Shortly after breaking the news on, tales of the giant herbivorous schlong were told by the Associated Press, KTVB Channel 7 (who called it "crude"; you could almost hear the shudders of revulsion coming from the anchor chairs) and appeared in news outlets as far away as Washington (D.C.), where the popular political gossip blog linked us up. Our favorite lines were in the comments on Wonkette, wherein readers pondered the meaning of the drawing ("This whole thing has more symbolism than Moby Dick, but damned if I can make it out.") and the style of it all ("When you think about it, the whole state is somewhat penis shaped.").

Neither Simplot nor Otter live in the house, which was donated to the state by the potato magnate last year.

There's no telling when the perpetrators did the deed. But Mark Reed, the manager of Zamzows on Federal Way, said the common yard herbicide Roundup would have done the trick pretty handily.

"It pretty much kills anything, especially when the heat is on it," Reed said. "When it's 100 degrees, it would take it down pretty quick." If the perpetrator used a backpack sprayer, Reed said, the job would be pretty easy. But that's only if the perp was a well-equipped lawn and garden laborer. There's every possibility that the deed could have been done with nothing more complex than a can of gasoline, which kills grass just as effectively.

As of press time, the drawing is still in evidence, standing tall for any and all innocent passersby to witness.

The hill is technically owned by the State of Idaho. State workers told the AP they were likely to use some sort of fertilizer—a grassy Viagra, if you will—to help remove the unsightly drawing.

Jurisdiction varies in such events; Boise Police Department spokesman Charles McClure said it was likely that, if collared, the rogue landscaper would get charged with something like vandalism. Things might have been different if Otter actually did live in his former father-in-law's house; the Idaho State Police are charged with protection of state dignitaries like Otter, and we can just envision a takedown on the turf had they seen the grass defilers. Maybe they would have swooped in riding ice blocks?