Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

No 'D' For Me


Dear Minerva,

I'm a gay lady in my 30s. While, for the most part, people don't pry into my personal life, occasionally someone will lob a question at me along the lines of: "So, you have a lot of boyfriends?" When I answer with something like, "well, no I don't" and try to change the subject, suddenly my interrogator assumes I'm hiding lovers all over the city. Is there a polite way to help people understand that I'm a lady who prefers the "V" to the "D" while still being polite? I'm tired of people assuming I'm straight but I also don't want to come out constantly. What's a lesbian to do?


—Lady's Lady

Dear LL,

Well, sister-friend, short of wearing "Radical Lesbian Pride" attire every time you meet someone, there isn't much to be done about the assumptions that others make. With the majority of people we encounter identifying as heterosexual, we are always going to be "coming out." The upside is, no matter how annoying the approach, you are under no obligation to share information unless you want to. I prefer to approach everything with humor, so come up with a quick response that gets the point across in a funny way. Humor is a unifier. Sure, you'll still run into uncomfortable people, but that's their problem. It's 2016. If they're driving slow on the freeway of acceptance and enlightenment, pass them. You can also tell them, quite frankly, that it is none of their business.