Opinion » Bill Cope

Mulletboy Resurrected

Look who Cope found in a Facebook booth


Do you know it's been almost two years since we last heard anything from Mulletboy? Remember him? Mulletboy? He had that blog, "Randem Thinkings," and for a while there, I was using him to fill up column space whenever I didn't have any good ideas or just plain didn't feel like writing. The last thing he'd posted was how he was going to check out some scratching sounds at the back screen door and he thought it might be his cousin Rip, from whom he'd gotten separated on their trip to New York City. That was when he and Rip went there to alert Glenn Beck to the threat of a huge, cosmic-sized conspiracy that involved a giant land squid named Cthulhu, Hillary Clinton (maybe) and an army of fishhead minions, one of which turned out to be Donald Trump. But see ...

Hey, wait a minute. There's no point in me telling the whole story again. It's probably on the Google somewhere, so look it up if you even care. All you need to know now is that after Mulletboy went to find out what was scratching at his screen door, I hadn't heard a word. And it's not for lack of trying, either. Over the past two years, I must have checked out the Randem Thinkings blog a dozen times to see if there was anything new on it.

Nope. It was like he'd disappeared off the face of the Earth. Either that, or he'd finally noticed that in all his time blogging, there were only three comments, two of which were from his wife wondering when he "was going to get off his lazy butt and mow the lawn."

I'd about given up on Mulletboy when I got a notice recently from Facebook that somebody wanted to "friend" me. And I'll be damned if it wasn't Mulletboy. Maybe he figures more people would pay attention if he has a Facebook booth. Or shelf. Or whatever the hell it is you get on Facebook. I don't know if that's true or not, having neither a blog nor a Facebook booth, myself. All I know is, this works out good for me because I haven't felt like writing since the weather turned nice. So let's see what adventures the little fellow's into now.

3/11/2013: Whowee-dawg! You won't believe where I went after work tonight. I was on a training mission, learning how to kamaflag up my face so's I can sneak up on whoever it is I might have to sneak up on without him seeing me sneaking up on him. It's all part of this club I joined up with after Rip came over the other night with some notice he pulled off a telephone pole in Marsing what told about how there was some boys over in Owhyahee County what had started a thing called "The United State of Idaho." I'm not sure whether you'd call them a posse or a militia or what, but they're getting themselves readyed up to defence from whoever might invade Idaho. At least, that's what I think The United State of Idaho boys is worried about. Tonight was my first meeting and it took most the night just to get me looking like a sagebrush bush, so's we didn't get a chance to talk about who we're getting readyed up to sneak up on. Maybe I'll find out next week. If my wife says I can go.

Oh, Rip joined up too. He's been joining every club and gang and what-not that'll let him in since Barracks Obamma got to be president. He joined the NRA twice already, just this year. And the thing is, he was already in it.

3/18/2013: The United State of Idaho boys asked me tonight what kind of guns I own and I had to tell them one, if you count the pellet gun I've had since high school. But I told them I plan on getting one of those Bushmasher babies like Rip has as soon as I can afford it. Rip went and bought his Bushmasher right after he got back from New York City because he said there was no way he was goinga sit around with nothing but his willy in his hand to defence himself and the Constititution, not after knowing what he knows about the fishhead minions of Cluthlu... Culuthlu... you know who I mean. And that's not even counting what Barracks Obamma has planned. I asked my wife if I could go buy a Bushmasher and she said yes, but only as long as she can buy a tanning booth at the same time. So I have to scrape up not just enough for a Bushmasher, but also enough for her thing. I didn't even know you could buy a tanning booth until she decided she wants one, and I told the boys in The United State of Idaho about that and one of them said "Crap, man, I know just what it's like. I had to let my wife buy a pot-bellied pig before I could buy my Bushmasher." So then the leader said maybe I could share Rip's Bushmasher until I could afford my own. I just hope we don't get invaded before I get one because I can't see how we'd work that out in a real shootout. Sometimes I think Rip's lucky because with his looks, he couldn't buy himself a wife at a flea market.

3/25/2013: It's been three weeks now and I'm still not sure what it is The United State of Idaho is readying up for. One of the boys will say it's to help out the sheriff if a riot ever gets started in Owhyahee County, which doesn't make sense since Owhyahee County hardly has enough people to start a dead battery by pushing the car downhill, let alone a riot. Then another dude will say it's all about what if them ATF dudes come to take away our Bushmashers, which I still ain't got one of yet, but I borrowed a Bushmasher water gun from my nephew and you can hardly tell it's not ...

There, see? Column space is all filled up, thanks to Mulletboy. Now that I know where to find him, I suspect maybe we'll be hearing more, you suppose?