Opinion » Bill Cope

Mr. Cope's Cave: Yet Another Music Video, And How It Came To Be Here


Junior, have you ever thought about the fact that when you order pie á la mode, or chicken á la king, you're invoking the Islamic name for god?

Uh... what?

Yup, it's true. Allah?... pie á la mode?... get it?

Yes, I get it. But...

Makes you wonder what all those Sharia law loonies would say if they gave any thought to how many Americans are saying "Allah" all the time without even realizing it. Ha ha, stupid Sharia law loonies.

No offense, but this whole idea is pretty loon...

Think about it, Lucas boy... "á la mode"... "á la carte"... "á la russe"... I bet good Christian Americans are saying "Allah" about a million times every day, all over the country, and don't even know it.

But they're not really saying "Allah," Mr. Cope. Saying "á la" is not the same as saying...

You know what would be a funny thing to do? I'd like to go into one of those old small town diner-type places. You know what I mean... one of those places that still has catsup and mustard dispensers on every table and a sign on the wall over the milkshake machine that says, "WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE." And when the waitress asks what I want, I say, "What kind of pies ya' got back there, Flo?" And Flo starts to rattle off the names of all the pies they have left and I say, "Stop right there, missy. You had me at "cherry." And she says, "Okay-doke, Hon. That'll be one slice of cherry pie. Anything else?" Then I say, "Hows about you throw some ice cream on top and make it pie á la-hu-akbar mode?" Ha ha, wouldn't you just love to see the look on her face when I say that? "Pie á la-hu-akbar mode." Get it?

I get it. But Mr. Cope, I doubt most people would even know what you're talking about. And if they did, they wouldn't think it was very funny. "Pie á la-hu-akbar mode?" Really?

Ah crap, you're probably right. Darn it.

What's this about anyway? Does it have anything to do with your blog?

Yeah, sorta. See, I got lazy after Christmas and pissed away most the weekend eating leftover pie and watching old Rifleman reruns on teevee. Then I wake up this morning without a damn thing in my head to write about. So I was sitting, staring at the computer screen, hoping something would pop into my brain, but all I could think about was how so many Rifleman episodes had Mark asking his dad if they could go get a piece of Milly's apple pie after he gets done killing whatever bad guy's in town that day, and that got me to wondering if they had ice cream back in those days—'specially in a place like North Fork. You know... so they could have apple pie á la mode. Which got me to thinking about whether "á la" was one word or two, which got me to saying it over and over, trying to decide if it sounded like one word or two words, and that's when I realized what it really sounded like was the Islamic name for god, which I thought was pretty darn funny. At least, I thought it was pretty darn funny until you showed up and just had to give me your opinion that it's about as funny as cat crap. So now I'm back to square one.

Which means you still don't have anything to put in your blog today. 

Exactly. Which means I still don't have anything to put on my blog today. Thank you very darn much, Micah.

I know what I'd do if I were you, Mr. Cope. I'd put on a music video and hope I have something more substantial to write about next time.

Yeah. That's probably what I'll have to do. By the way... did you know that Chuck Connors played both professional baseball and professional basketball?

Chuck who?

Never mind.