Opinion » Bill Cope

Mr. Cope's Cave: Blog Be Gone

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If you went looking for the "Blog" feature of the Boise Weekly website today, I imagine you were disappointed.

Or maybe not. Maybe you couldn't care less whether there is a "Blog" feature to Boise Weekly, or any other website.

At any rate, BW's "Blog" feature is no more. It has been cut out like so much fat off a cheap pork chop and incinerated in the trash burner in the alley behind BW offices where the smoking employees go to huddle during cold weather.

That is not to say "Mr. Cope's Cave" is coming to an end. It will continue to be part of the online version of BW, only it will no longer be called a "blog." That suits me fine. I have never liked the word. In fact, in the very first "Mr. Cope's Cave," I wrote the following:

"God, I hate this word!—blog. Sounds like something one would do in a public Porta-Potty, doesn’t it?... after wolfing down a chorizo and drinking a quart of Mogen David cooking sherry, perhaps."

Over the following 75 weeks and 150 entries, I have never grown any fonder of the word, and I'm glad it's gone—at least from the BW website.

But this leaves me to wonder what exactly it is I'm doing here, if not blogging. I am the sort of person who—if asked "Watcha doin', Bill?"—prefers to answer in as short and exact a manner as possible. I think it's only courteous, not only to answer the question, but to not bore the asker in doing so.

Seriously, I know real people who—when asked a simple question: e.g. "Whatcha doin', Dick (or Larry, Lloyd, Vern, Ebeneezer, Buford, Bart, Bernie, Bo, Bing, Barney, Bob, etc.)?—will go on answering forever and ever, not sparing any detail no matter how tedious, because they have never figured out such a question is merely something people mouth automatically as an ersatz greeting, and not meant to be taken as a serious inquiry.

I'm not like that. Even though you might assume from my writing that I am wont to go on forever and ever and not spare any detail (no matter how tedious), that is not the way I am when I don't have a keyboard at my fingers. While I do like typing, I don't much like talking. So when dealing with those ersatz greetings—e.g., "Whatcha doin'?"... "How's it goin'?"... "Wha's up?"... "How's your day been?"... "Any big plans?"... etc.—if I can't keep my answer to one or two words, I just shake my head and point to my throat as though I am indicating I have laryngitis.

They don't usually believe me, but that's OK, too. The ones who know I'm lying never ask the question again.

So what am I doing right this minute, if not blogging? I need a new word. I suppose I could say I'm "expounding." Or "discoursing." "Explicating," maybe. But... nah. Any of those words would make it sound like you should be taking this seriously, and you shouldn't. When I want you to take something seriously, I'll tell you. Until then, just assume I am writing shit because it makes my fingers happy.

Here are a few replacement words I'm thinking about: 

"Wramtling," a combination of "writing" and "rambling."

Or, "communipuking," being the act of sharing and purging simultaneously.

How's "gasiflaunting," indicating that I'm showing off my total lack of substance, or "moozing," where I'm allowing my inner Muse to ooze?

I've also got "journalimping" (a lame attempt at journalism) and "internuzzling" (a form of online intimacy).

Whatever I eventually decide to call whatever it is I'm doing here, I promise you I will continue to do it. At least, until something I like doing better comes along.