Opinion » Bill Cope

Mr. Cope's Cave: Ass-terisks

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I would like to think we're going to be hearing this name a lot over the coming months: Bradley Podliska. Major Bradley Podliska*.

I would like to see Maj. Podliska live, on every news channel at once, sitting at one of those long tables in the Capitol Building in Washington, testifying on the scandal of how corrupt, sleazy bastards in the House Republican caucus have wasted millions—yes, millions**—of dollars with their phony Select Committee on Benghazi in one fruitless attempt after another to kill Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign even before it started.

I would like to see Major Podliska tell another select committee—this one so unimpeachably impartial that the scummy likes of Darrell Issa and Trey Gowdy***, Kevin McCarthy and John Boehner****, Jason Chaffetz and Raul Labrador***** wouldn't even be allowed in the room other than to explain, under oath, their part in the conspiracy to eat away at Hillary's credibility.

Yes, I would like to see that—a Select Committee to Investigate the Select Committee on Benghazi—comprised of a panel of prosecutors, not a one of which is a member of the House of Representatives, appointed by the U.S. attorney general ******, with the objective of digging out whatever criminal culpability lies at the heart of the House Republicans' conspiracy to use government funds for outrageously partisan politics.

Ultimately, I would like to see these corrupt, sleazy bastards go to prison, not only for what they have done to Hillary Clinton, but for what they have done the institution of Congress and to this country as a whole*******.

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* Major Bradley Podliska, a former staffer on the Select Committee on Benghazi who last week made the claim he was fired from that position because he was focusing his attention on getting all the questions of the Benghazi tragedy answered as completely as possible, rather than fishing around for anything that might make Hillary Clinton look bad.

** Estimates of the cost of 10 separate Benghazi investigations—not one of which has found any illegality whatsoever on the part of then-Secretary of State Clinton or anyone else in the Obama administration—run as high as $14 million, and counting.

*** Darrell Issa, the congressman from California who chaired the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee's Benghazi investigation so tyrannically that many of us were praying for minority co-chair Elijah Cummings to body slam the arrogant prick into a greasy glob of goo, and Trey Gowdy, a stunted hillbilly homunculus representing South Carolina who chairs the Select Committee on Benghazi, in spite of his not being fit to shine Hillary Clinton's sensible shoes.

**** Kevin McCarthy, the inarticulate moron who was for a short time expected to assume the speaker position when John Boehner steps down, only he blew his chances out his ass when he admitted the whole Benghazi investigation was no more than a scheme to find something about Clinton they could use to drive her approval numbers down, and John Boehner, the blubbery drunkard who—as the weakest, most ineffectual House speaker since the position was invented—allowed this expensive charade to continue for years.

***** Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, the creepy-crawly little snake who has tried to turn the Benghazi incident into a hot-air balloon that would lift him out from under the slimy rock he came from high enough for his Tea Party cronies to take notice of him, and Raul Labrador, R-Idaho—ditto.

****** Backed up by the DoJ's considerable clout with regards to its capacity to issue indictments for fraudulence and malfeasance, prosecute for perjury, and lock these sleazy bastards up and throw away the key if they show even a fraction of the contempt for the proceedings that the American people feel for the Congress they have so thoroughly disgraced.

******* And will most certainly continue to do until the American people have had their fill of these sleazy bastards and demand they be treated in the same way as any other criminals.