Opinion » Bill Cope

Mr. Cope's Cave: And All the Kochs' Horses and All the Kochs' Men, Could Not Put It Back Together Again

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Is it too early to start thinking about what an America without a Republican Party will look like?

Oh fine. I'll wait. There will be plenty of opportunity later to rejoice over how great things will be once the GOP has dropped off the tailgate of history and rolled into the barrow pit of irrelevance. Finally!... all the things intelligent, decent people can get to... controlling gun violence, educating children properly, slowing global warming, controlling drug costs, fixing the infrastructure... so many, many things we've put off for far too long because that gang of goons in suits and Ronald Reagan masks have been siding with the corporate machine against the humans, every! damn! time!

But it's all coming to an end, I can feel it in my bones. Those dopes let a bunch of savages with the ethics of barracudas take over their private pool, and now you can see what good it's done them. For president, they're running people you wouldn't buy a used car from, the states where they have the most control are turning into dogshit-ville, and the United States Congress, with them at the wheel, is veering off the overpass with nothing below but a bottomless pit.

I love it. It's like watching that big fat white marshmallow beast explode into gooey pieces at the end of Ghostbusters.

But like I said, I can wait until it's totally over and the word "Republican" joins the words "Whig" and "Nazi" in the back room of the National Archives. However, there are a couple of things I would like to say to some particular people while we wait for the inevitable. First, to those Democrats who keep saying the Republicans should get their shit together because our country needs a strong two-party system.

No, we don't. Not when the second party has turned into nothing but the anarchist arm of the billionaire war lords association. At the first Congress in 1789, there was no second party. There were no parties at all, in fact. There were only men who came together to compromise a nation out of their many differences. That is, always has been and always will be the essential nature of governance in any nation worthy of existence—compromise.

Yet through some monstrous mutation of all things reasonable, this clutch of know-nothings—which, at present, hold in their greedy little fingers not only the short hairs of the Republican Party but our Congress along with it—have made compromise a sin they cannot abide.

Well, my fellow Democrats, we can abide without them just fine. We have within our own party all the diversity of interests the country needs—from corporate health to concern for the homeless, from middle-class integrity to justice for minorities, from women's health to the workers' voice—to govern without any help whatsoever from the chortling, bitter baboon mob on the other side. The Democratic Party is not, nor has it ever been, a single voice speaking from a single mind.

You know... like them.

Secondly, I wish to remind those poor, rank-and-file, Idaho Republicans of good, if misguided, heart, who have made the horrible mistake of staying with their party even as it has descended into racist, misogynist, middle-class smashing madness, you have among you one who has contributed greatly to the chaos in Congress. I speak of the First District's Rep. Raul Labrador, that conniving little opportunist weasel who, from the beginning, cast his lot with the disruptive fringe bums who have brought a great nation's governing body to its knees. You ought to give some serious thought about how to get him and his taxpayer dependent wife back to Eagleburg where he can do no further harm.

If you don't want to take any advice from a humble Democrat, just ask yourself this: In the five years Labrador has been in Congress, what the hell good has he ever done me?