Opinion » Bill Cope

Mosque Deaf

Old racists never die; they just fake dismay

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"Where you headed, Red?"

"Glad ya' asked, Cope. I'm on my way to protest them Mooslims setting up one of their gull durn Mooslim temples right next to where all them New Yorkers got killed by them other Mooslims. Say, you got a stick I could borrow? I got me some poster paper and a Magic Marker, but I cain't find a stick nowheres."

"Don't think so. I believe I used up all my sticks. But you have a good time protesting those Mooslims, you hear? And if you're going to be outside too long, you ought to think about having some sunscreen with you, don't you think? You wouldn't want to show those Mooslims what's what just to find out you caught melanoma doing it."

"So ain't you gonna lecture me none?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean ain't you gonna preach about how, since this is America and all, them Mooslims have a right to put one of their gull durn temples anywhere wheres they can afford the mortgage?"

"Nope. No lectures."

"Or ain't you gonna go on and on about how this country was founded on the liberties of some misfits believing whatever they wants, no matter how blasphemous and heretical and un-Godly it may be? And hows no one religion should get no more uppityness than any other religion since they all have Constitutional back-up to be here?"

"Nope. Not with you and not today."

"Or ain't you gonna try to explain the difference between a Mooslim temple and a Mooslim community center? Or ain't you gonna insist how ol' President Barack Obama was right when he says we cain't be mixing up government stuff with churchy stuff? Or ain't you gonna elucidate me on hows it ain't temples what Mooslims put up anyhow, but mosques ... except when it's a community center they're putting up?"

"Wouldn't try to elucidate you about a thing, Red."

"Ain't you even gonna try to get me to open up my heart and see how not all Mooslims are al Qaida killers or crazy Taliban ragheads? And how most Mooslims are just like you and me 'cept for when it comes to pig meat and Jesus? Ain't you gonna toss me a sermon 'bout hows all us human beings have more in common than we have in un-common, even when a lot of them human beings is Mooslims or Hindus or Unitarians? Ain't you gonna remind me about hows if we don't let them Mooslims put up that temple, the terrorists have done won?"

"No sermon tossing, boy-o. And you go right ahead and keep your heart closed, if that's what makes you happy."

"What's a matter with you, Cope? You sick?"

"Bud, life's too short to waste any of it trying to tell ignorant xenophobic idiots anything. Especially when they're having so damn much fun being ignorant xenophobic idiots."

"What you mean ... 'zenoid idiots?' And what you mean we're having fun? This is some serious business here. Serious!"

"C'mon, Red, who do you think you're kidding. You're loving this. After all those years of watching what comes out of your mouth for fear of losing a job or pissing off decent folks, you and your crowd can finally pick on brown people again. Oh sure, you have to make it sound like some kind of sincere concern for the future or some other phony poop about how much you love this country. But the truth is, you couldn't care less what happens in New York City, and we both know it. This is just another opportunity for you to bitch about whatever diverse people are doing."

"This ain't got nothing to do with that racist stuff! Them Mooslims are treading on hallowed ground. Hallowed ground, Cope! Don't you get that? This is about not letting un-American tendencies get a toehold in our holy places!"

"Yeah, right. And the immigration debate has nothing to do with Mexicans, is that what you're gonna tell me next? And the hubbub over repealing the 14th Amendment has nothing to do with the babies being Hispanic? And Obama ... I suppose you'll claim all this hysteria over his birth certificate hasn't got jack to do with him being black. Shhhuuuure, Red. You right wingers are het up with all these major concerns, and it's all just a weird coincidence that most of those major concerns of yours are dark-skinned. Is that it? Just a big coincidence?"

"Cope, trouble with you is, ever time you kick over a cow pie, you think you find a bigot squatting under it."

"I've been around your sort far too long to believe for a second that you've sluffed off 400 years of racial violence and supremacist attitudes, and now you've seen the enlightenment. Must be exhilarating, eh? ... to get back to your cracker roots and treat people of color like they don't deserve the same consideration and respect you'd give a hunting dog. What with Beck and Limbaugh and the rest of that trash, you must feel like a weight has been lifted from your tongue. In those circles, treating non-whites like vermin makes you a hero, doesn't it? Call a spade a spade ... not to mention a spic a spic, a gook a gook, or a raghead a raghead ... and the Right starts whistling Dixie. Better take care, Red. You ridicule enough cultural diversity and abuse enough of your fellow citizens, and those tea bagger pals of yours might decide to run you for Congress."

"Hey, Mr. Elitist Snooty Face. They could do worse."

"No doubt, Red. And before it's over, I'm sure they will."