Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

Minerva's Breakdown

Advice for those on the verge


Dear Minerva,

How do you find your people? My family doesn't talk to me. I've got a couple great friends, but there is still this void that keeps me feeling lonely all the time. People talk about finding their people or their chosen family. But how does one do this?


—Mr. Lonely

Dear Mr. Lonely,

Finding your people can be a challenge, but one that is well worth it. Hollywood would lead us to believe we should have amassed large friend groups that are full of "our people." In the real world, "our people" usually consists of a small group of people who just "get" each other. I think this is desirable. Having lots of friends can be great fun but a close group of friends that have become a chosen family is incredibly fulfilling. The best way to find your people is to engage in the activities that you enjoy in life. Sharing a common interest will bind you closer and give you a chance to learn more about each other since this interest has served as an icebreaker. Loneliness is a complicated feeling. Simply finding your people may not be enough to prevent it. Learning to love yourself even when it seems there is no one else will make sure that you include yourself in your definition of "your people." Don't count out your "couple of great friends." Cultivate those relationships. You may have already discovered some of your chosen family. Best of luck.