Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

Minerva's Breakdown

Advice for those on the verge


Dear Minerva,

I have the most amazing daughter and wouldn’t trade her for the world. We have been trying to add to our family and just recently lost our twins. We have now had 10 losses.

Everyone says I should be happy with my family, yet I’m having a hard time dealing with the secondary infertility and feeling guilty for wanting more children. Am I really being as selfish as everyone makes me out to be for wanting to have a second child? Am I a bad mother for wanting to give my child a sibling and going through this emotional roller coaster?

Lost in My Thoughts

Dear Lost,

Whether you have one child or 20, your success as a parent is not dependent on quantity. What is important is that you are available and present for the family you do have. I would venture your family and friends are not trying to make you feel guilty but rather do not want to see you hurting. So many losses is a staggering level of grief for anyone.

I can’t tell you what reproductive choices are right for you, but there are studies that show only children may have an advantage in this modern world. I wish you well. Please take care of yourself physically and mentally—your daughter depends upon it.