Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

Minerva's Breakdown: Sexual Healing

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Dear Minerva:

I have been married almost 25 years and our children have all flown the nest! Through the years it's been up and down and I love this man dearly, but I am struggling because now that the kids are gone and it's just us, I'm no longer sexually attracted to him. I, of course, do not want him to step out and he's a good-looking man! I need help with re-establishing that connection but have no idea where to start! Help!

—Sincerely,

In need of some sexual healing!

Dear Sexual Healing:

This is not uncommon once the kids leave. So much of one's identity can be wrapped up in family that it's hard to look at the person that you started this journey with and see the studly stallion you once saw. There have been a lot of sacrifices and struggles since you set out as a couple. I'm happy to read that you want to stoke the fires of your sex life. What I would suggest is coming together as a couple and making a plan to re-fall in love with each other. It's time to go a courtin'! Something as simple as deliberate date nights (no talk about problems, stress or responsibilities—just quality date time) could reignite what you used to feel. While two decades in any relationship could change your feelings, you might find that you love him in new ways. A more mature, meaningful sexual desire may come along with it. Best of luck, lovebirds!