Opinion » Minerva's Breakdown

Minerva's Breakdown:Friend or Faux Pas

"Part of being an adult is accepting that we don't always get invited to the party."


Miss Minerva,

I'm blessed with a broad circle of friends, including my inner circle: kind, compassionate people who know me intimately. I occasionally host parties for which I try to curate the right group of people. Sometimes these parties are larger affairs for the broader circle. Sometimes more intimate for just my inner circle. Recently, someone I consider to be an acquaintance, has noticed social media posts from a few intimate dinners and invariably comments her dismay that she wasn't invited. She also makes passive-aggressive comments about it whenever I see her. The problem is, I find her socially inept, prone to steer the conversation to herself and even make rude comments about other guests. She is fine in a larger group, but not my inner circle and definitely not someone I'd open up to about personal matters. I don't wish to explain this to her. Do I just keep ignoring her comments? Do I owe her an explanation?

—Sincerely, Unamused

Dear Unamused,

You owe her nothing. Part of being an adult is accepting that we don't always get invited to the party. If she's making these comments online and in person, then you're likely correct about her lack of social graces. Ignore the comments. She should get the hint. If you have to, tell her that the crowd isn't her speed. Try to be gentle if you can. While I understand that you're trying to create a certain atmosphere, people, socially inept or not, are not the same as picking the right china (though just as fragile).