We received two letters from Jack Gnome this past weekend. One was in an unmarked envelope with the photo to the right stuffed underneath BW's door. The other was taped to a sign in BW Editor Bingo Barnes' yard. They are both reproduced below.
You think you like sitting around looking cute? Well, let me tell you, that strawberry patch gets boring. Gno more Mr. Gnice Gnome for me! U'll have to get your own garden magic-I gneed some adventure. And how do you know the nature of Luther's and my's relationship anyway? Maybe we are gay.
Your ex-garden gnome, Jack.
P.S. Tell Luther not to be so morose-he could have come with me. Let's keep in touch.
I read your Lingo thing (BW, Lingo Yarns, April 27, 2005). Too bad you don't gnow what you've got till it's gone. No attention while I sat lonely-winter, summer, whatever-doing the garden gnome thing. I'm having fun out here. You should see some of the ammenities my new friends have in their garden. Tell Luther hello. I think he's upset with me.
"the having fun" Gnome
P.S. Tell the kids I miss them the most.
Editor's Note: We are reminded of the old saying, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, handcuff them to the bed." Or at least we think it goes something like that.
Your loveable wisdom is usuallly cloaked in language that is funny-faulty rather than ignorant-faulty. So it tickles our giggles as well as our brains, and probably does no damage to our kids who don't read it anyhow.
But your "Two-Headed Teenager" article (BW, Bill Cope, April 27, 2005) can destroy you as An Example For Aspiring Teenage Writers:
"....A pair of identical little terriers....were laying together in just such a way...", and "At times, when things between she and I are at their worst..."
Set a better example, Poppa. A teenager (maybe even "Molly") might read a column proclaiming that it is about teenagers.
Us love you.
-Richard E. Jay,
Christians vs. athiest revisited
Space does not permit a full response to Gary Miller's latest historically challenged rant (BW, Mail, April 27, 2005) so let's focus on the "Big Lie."
Adolf Hitler was a Roman Catholic, something I first learned on a visit to Beth Hatefutsoth, the Museum of the Jewish Diaspora, in Tel Aviv. He became a communicant and an altar boy in his youth and was confirmed as a "soldier of Christ" in that church. Its worst doctrines never left him. Hitler was steeped in its liturgy, which contained the words "perfidious Jew." That hateful statement was not removed until 1961.
Hitler never left the Church and it never left him-he was never excommunicated. His abominable book, Mein Kampf, never appeared on the Church's Index of Forbidden Books. The Nazi oath of allegiance was sworn to G/god and German soldiers had belt buckles that said "Gott Mit Uns" (G/god is with us).
After the news of Adolf Hitler's death, Cardinal Bertram of Breslau, the senior German prelate, drafted an order for a requiem mass to be said for Hitler throughout his churches. And, of course, there is the infamous Concord that the Vatican signed with the Nazis.
The Protestants were no better. Martin Luther, the founder of Protestant fundamentalism, wrote: "What shall we Christians do now with this depraved and damned people of the Jews? I will give my faithful advice: First, that one should set fire to their synagogues. Then that one should also break down and destroy their houses. That one should drive them out of the country."
Along with the anti-Semitism of the misnamed New Testament, the Vatican and Martin Luther planted the poisonous seeds that conditioned centuries of Germans (and others) to hate the Jews.
-Gary L. Bennett, Boise
We received this letter last week sporting a return address from the Ada County Jail from Harlan Hale in regards to our recent comments on Boise Weekly's True Crime page about Harlan's new 'do being fashionable. (see photo)
"Fashionable" I'll accept, but "Superthug?" No way! You will be hard pressed to convince my family and friends that I am any kind of a thug, much less a "Super Thug." Try it on the minister, who, along with his wife and three sons, befriended my fiance and I when we came to Boise. They number amongst my strongest supporters. Or the church that I did volunteer work for. In no way do I claim to be an angel, nor am I the person the press has portrayed.
In this country we are presumed innocent until proven guilty, or so I thought. I was tried and convicted before I ever set foot in a courtroom. How can I get the fair trial I am entitled to in this venue?
I love Boise. It is a great place to live. We came here, bought a house, went mountain biking, hiking and floating ... living the American dream for a few years.
Then I relapsed on drugs and it turned into an "American Tragedy" in a few short months. I threw it all away for addiction. That is my biggest crime. I am no killer or thug. Sorry if it dissapoints you or doesn't sell papers. I know what does ...
Finding yourself surrounded by snipers, knowing that they are going to kill you, running in fear for your life as they open fire with assault rifles, "feeling" the bullets hit the car, hearing them go by your head like angry hornets, crawling through the brush as twigs snap off in front of your face-broken by those same "hornets," a break in the gunfire so the witnesses could hear the police yelling for them to go in their houses ... that is the moment I surrendered. Because I knew those witnesses were my only chance at life. A whole neighborhood was shot up. I never fired a shot. I don't know why I lived through that nightmare. I have never been so scared in my life.
I thank God that nobody was shot and I am still alive. I am also thankful for my family and friends who are standing by me. I need help with the cost of my defense ... (Harlan makes a plea here for money.)
*After receiving this letter we were so impressed with Harlan Hale's handwriting we just had to share it with everyone. We definitely feel that his penmanship is exquisite and not "superthuggish" in any way. In fact, it's rather stylish.