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Joey's Only Seafood


Avast, yer matey. Grab hold ye wheel and steer into the winds, far from Joey's Only Seafood, for if you visit, ye shall be met by picaroons. OK, not really, but heed the warning.

'Twas Tuesday night when our story begins, the night of all-u-can-eat fish and chips. The place looks nice and convincingly seaside, though it's in a strip mall. It was busy, although not packed, but in no time flat, we knew we were headed for Davy Jones' Locker when the addled lad who waited on us was curt and rude and wanted no conversation--not even to answer how long the restaurant has been around.

We ordered the calamari, and its arrival clocked in at 12 minutes. Not bad time, and not bad calamari. In fact, it's some of the tastiest I've had in this here port. We scarfed it and another waitress came to steal the tartar sauce from our table but didn't take our empty plate. Gangway! Nineteen minutes later, the meal came. I ordered the combo of popcorn shrimp and salmon with veggies and potatoes, and Landlubber Luke ordered the AYCE fish and chips deal.

The shrimp was delish, but everything else on the plate was way, waaay overcooked. The salmon was so dry it more resembled a cracker than a filet.

And for the fish dish, well, my mate believed he'd be briny deep in hand-battered cod and fries, but alas, the waiter left us marooned with no water, napkins or second helping of dinner. And Luke wanted another helping because it was tasty-fried delectability, but we had to flag down the tartar-saucy wench to get more grub. And that didn't show for another 24 minutes. And it came minus the chips. Server, when asked why no potatoes, answered: "If you want them, you have to ask for fish and chips with fries!" Oh, shiver me timbers.

No fun had we when the server came with the check and Luke sought thirds to no avail. We were hornswaggled, but ready to leave. For Joey's crew was none too nice and the food was overall only satisfactory. Here's where the story splits: When I told the manager that the experience was below sea level, she was overly apologetic and seemed truly sorry for the mess. I liked her sincerity and it boosted my attitude about the place--like I had seen the fiery pits of Joey's and lived to tell. Dare I go back? Perhaps for the fish and chips. So fair winds to ye and Godspeed.

--Jennifer Gelband knows that a pirate's favorite kind of sock is arrrrgyle.