NICE STALKERS FINISH LAST
A Chinese court has pardoned a man who was arrested for repeatedly breaking into his neighbor's house after the man confessed that he had been madly in love with her but couldn't summon the courage to actually talk to her. Instead, he broke into her house five times while she was out in order to do her laundry, wash her dishes, make snacks for her and fix her computer. The man was finally arrested after being caught sneaking out of her home with one of her bras, some photos and her MP3 player. He told the court that he took the MP3 player because it needed to be repaired, but admitted that he "took her bra and photos out of love for her." (Reuters)
AND THE No. 1 REASON NOT TO BECOME FAMOUS ...
A deranged woman in New Mexico has been granted a restraining order against David Letterman, who she claims used secret code words and hand gestures during his show in order to ask her to marry her and train her to become his co-host. Colleen Nestler alleged that Letterman forced her to go bankrupt and caused her mental cruelty and sleep deprivation since May 1994, when Letterman began sending "thoughts of love" and "eye expressions" to seduce her through her television screen. Why the judge in this case gave Nestler a restraining order instead of a prescription for some very strong chemicals wasn't made clear, but for now, Letterman is not allowed to get within three yards of the woman. Attorneys for Letterman have asked to have the order removed, calling it "obviously absurd and frivolous." (Contra Coast Times)
Software programmer Peter Norvig has managed to write a computer program which has generated the world's longest palindrome, a whopping 17,259 word sentence which reads the same forwards and backwards. Unfortunately, this palindrome sucks total shit, beginning with "A man, a plan, a carpus, AEC, Rickey, EKG, navettes, Sorcha, Basil ..." and deteriorating rapidly. However, while researching this story, I did manage to learn the interesting fact that the fear of palindromes is known as "aibohphobia." I also discovered my new favorite palindrome of all time: "Do geese see God?" (norvig.com/palindrome.html)
NEXT YEAR YOU CAN JOIN THE FREAK SHOW
If one of your new year's resolutions is to learn some extreme new skills, check out an article called "The Physics Behind Four Amazing Demonstrations," which explains the secrets that will enable you to walk on broken glass, dip your hands into molten lead, pick up an orange-hot (about 1000-degree Celsius) piece of silica tile and have a block of concrete broken over your body while you lie sandwiched between two beds of nails. If the chicks don't dig you after that, you might as well kill yourself. Start your training at www.csicop.org/si/9911/willey.html
why READ ABOUT SEX?
So how come you didn't get me anything for Christmas? If it's because you didn't know what I needed, let me help you out. Disinformation Press has released a new book in their excellent "Everything You Know Is Wrong" series. This one is called Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong, and, according to the blurb on their Web site, this one covers some interesting territory: "Orgasms, sexual inventions, spirituality, high-tech porn, gender-blending, hustling, masturbation, politics, airplane sex, disabilities, sex magick, biblical erotica, advertising, first times, sex in space, asexuality, group sex." Get it at www.disinfo.com.
TEASPOONS DON'T DIE, THEY RETIRE TO THE LAND OF SINGLE SOCKS
Australian scientists at the Macfarlane Burnet Institute for Medical Research and Public Health in Melbourne have done the world a great service by tracking the teaspoons at their workplace to discover that most teaspoons in an office environment rapidly disappear. The scientists tracked 70 teaspoons and found that 80 percent of them vanished within five months, with teaspoons in private areas of the institute surviving nearly twice as long as those in communal areas. "At this rate, an estimated 250 teaspoons would need to be purchased annually to maintain a workable population of 70 teaspoons," they concluded. (Reuters)
FACT OF THE WEEK
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time lasting 1/100th of a second.