WANNA BUY SOME SNOT?
An "artist" from London who spent two years creating his latest work by picking his nose and rolling his snot into a "sculpture" just smaller than a golf ball is now ready to sell his masterpiece for around $20,000. James Robert Ford, who somehow managed to exhibit his snot at four different art galleries, is now seeking an art collector to take the hunk of goo off his hands. So far, Ford has received a few bids in the $50 to $250 range, but this amount won't do the artwork justice. Trying to rationalize his absurd request for twenty grand the artist explained that each booger is a part of his body and would be impossible for any other artist to replicate. Grasping for more straws, Ford added that the snot is "a physical record of all the different places I have been and people I've met." Nice try ... (Wireless Flash)
IF YOU'RE SO HUNGRY YOU COULD EAT A COW...
A restaurant in Scotland that is challenging customers to polish off the world's largest hamburger has so far defeated three would-be burger kings. The challenge pits a mere mortal against a seven pound, 7,000-calorie hamburger which must be eaten in under three hours. So far all who have come have failed, including one man who gave up and had five friends help him yet still couldn't polish off the supersized meal. The test requires just over $100 and 24 hours notice to create the beast. Of course, the burger is free if you can manage to finish it. (sky.com)
TOO STUPID TO OWN A TV
I guess I let 2004 pass without personally thanking all the morons of the world who ensure that I will never run out of curious news. And so my first of the new year is Austin Aitken, a man in Cleveland who has filed a $2.5 million lawsuit against NBC because he was grossed out by contestants eating dead rats on the TV show Fear Factor. Apparently this nimrod has never figured out how to change the channel on his television set, and now he wants NBC to pay him for his stupidity. Good luck! In a handwritten lawsuit which he personally filed, Aitken wrote, in part: "To have the individuals on the show eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of view made me throw up as well an another in the house at the same time." He went on to complain that his fury at the show made his blood pressure rose so high that he became dizzy and smashed his head on the doorway when he tried to leave the living room. Nya nya! (Yahoo News)
GOD must LOVE SICK HEARTLESS SOCIOPATHS
As if it isn't disturbing enough that there is a Web site called GodHatesFags.com, this week they've really sunk to a new low with a press release which thanks God for killing thousands of homosexuals during the tsunami in southern Asia. In response to a Swedish newspaper which mourned the death of gay Swedes vacationing in Thailand, the Web site posted a press release from the Westboro Baptist Church, which read, in part: "God is laughing, mocking and taunting Swedes as they mourn & weep over their dead! Thank God for his vengeance, and we pray for worse and more of it upon Sweden." Charming...
AND SHE WON'T ACCEPT EARTH MONEY
The Internet is full of useful information. And then there's this: "how to tell if your prostitute is an extraterrestrial," written by the fake news masters at the Weekly World News. When trying to figure out if the woman you're paying for sex with is actually here to take over the world, look for these giveaways: she looks too good to be true (obviously a shape-shifter); the sex is unbelievably good (you're suffering from implanted false memories); missing time (if you paid for one hour, but four hours have passed, your memory has been erased); and, according to this article, an alien prostitute will be heavily perfumed in order to mask her "peculiar ET odor." (Weekly World News)
MY INNER VOICE JUST KEEPS TELLING ME I'M FAT
The next time someone tries to tell you to stop listening to those voices inside your head, just tell them the story of Clifford Maxwell. Last week Maxwell was riding a bus past his regular lottery outlet when a voice inside his head urged him to get off and buy one more ticket, despite the fact that he already had purchased his regular allotment of three tickets per week. The voice kept pestering him until he went and bought one more ticket, which turned out to be the winner, giving Maxwell the phenomenal grand prize of $40 million for Christmas. "I am truly blessed," Maxwell said. "I was on the bus and an inner voice told me to get off and buy another one. So I did." (NY Post)