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In Hollywood, Money Can Solve Any Problem • Fetish of the Week • Octoberfests

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IN HOLLYWOOD, MONEY CAN SOLVE ANY PROBLEM

An ad for "Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation" in a Hollywood film-rag informs us that "a growing number of women are joining a new trend in plastic surgery to improve the appearance of their outer vaginal area." According to the ad, a new technique called labiaplasty reduces the size and shape of the inner lips of the vagina. Other ground-breaking techniques in Female Genital Cosmetic Surgery (the politically-correct term) are vaginal tightening, liposuction and lip lifting, "repair" of the hymen, the clipping of asymmetrical inner lips (horror!), unhooding the clitoris for more friction, and injecting fat into lips thought to be too thin.

FETISH OF THE WEEK

And one more while we're riding this theme: apotembnophilia is defined as "obtaining sexual gratification from limb removal." There are approximately 200 known apotembnophiliacs worldwide (I wonder how many we don't know about), with the most famous case being Dr. John Ronald Brown, a doctor who was known for happily amputating healthy limbs and was jailed on two separate occasions for botched sex-change operations which he performed in hotels or his garage. (Fortean Times)

OCTOBERFESTS

We return now to the "If You Need an Excuse to Party" files with this collection of October holidays which you probably don't yet celebrate. According to Internet lore, October 2 is Name Your Car Day, October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day, October 12 is International Moment of Frustration Scream Day, and, of course, October 25 is Punk For a Day Day. Cheers!

HEY DOC, DOES MY INSURANCE COVER A REACH-AROUND?

It's only September but I think it's safe to end nominations for "Headline of the Year" after a story about urologists in Japan's Mainichi Times ran under this headline: "Slutty Schoolgirls and Self-circumcisions: All in a day's work for a Urologist." Actually, the article is almost as funny as the headline, telling the tale of Japanese urologists who are complaining about the sharp rise of embarrassing and irritating incidents in their profession. For example, prostate massages are now covered by Japan's health insurance, making the cost of receiving one from a urologist far cheaper than going to a sex professional, and giving gay men a great excuse to go to a doctor since there are very few sexual services for homosexuals in Japan. One doctor who was fed up with men coming in for his specialized service told a reporter that "some patients develop a real liking for prostate massages, but I put on the gloves and make sure I let them have it so rough they won't ever want to come back for more. But even after I've really given it to them, they still keep coming back for more."

THE ILLUSION OF SAFETY

An experiment carried out by a traffic psychologist in Britain found that a cyclist is more likely to be hit by a car if he or she is wearing a helmet. The study found that cars give more space to helmet-less cyclists when passing them on the road, and are more than twice as likely to pass within 8 1/2 centimeters of a cyclist wearing a helmet. The tests also found that drivers give cyclists who appear to be female (that is, a cyclist not wearing a helmet and with long hair) an average of 14 centimeters more space when passing. "We know helmets are useful in low-speed falls, and so definitely good for children, but whether they offer any real protection to somebody struck by a car is very controversial," said Dr. Ian Walker of Bath University. "Either way, this study suggests wearing a helmet might make a collision more likely in the first place." (BBC)

IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID

According to a marketing journal called Mckinsey Quarterly, 74 percent of Chinese believe that a free market is the best way to run the world, while only 36 percent of French share that sentiment. Meanwhile, 50 percent of Latin Americans would accept a dictator if the result was a higher standard of living.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

Scottish animal rights activists have petitioned their government to officially change the name of the Loch Ness Monster to the "Loch Ness Creature," because the word monster carries negative connotations.

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