Luring moviegoers out of the sun and into the dark of air-conditioned stadium seating is top on Hollywood's summer to-do list. Typically the year's biggest movies vie for summer release dates, which never fail to net large audiences and obscene profits. The anticipated top 10 films alone are expected to remove $2 billion from moviegoers' pockets this summer. With more than 100 films ready to hit the silver screen, (it's already begun with Poseidon, Mission Impossible III and RV), Hollywood is banking on pocketing a helluva load of loot. Here's some of what your hard earned cash gets you this summer.
The Da Vinci Code (May 19)It's possible but unlikely that all the pre-release hype will drown the movie in its own publicity. Based on Dan Brown's best-selling, Catholic-bashing, Holy Grail-questing novel, even studs Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou earn The Da Vinci Code our vote for "Most Likely to Suck Compared to the Book."
X-Men: The Last Stand (May 26)The last stand until what? Mutants are completely accepted into society as tax-paying citizens, but denied the right to vote, marry or own property? No, that's too much like art imitating life in these United States. Our vote? X-Men is "Most Likely to be the Season's Second 'Part Three' Block-dudster" (behind MI3, of course).
The Break-up (June 2)Watch the onscreen break-up of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn before it happens in real life as "Vinifer" play a split Chicago couple still sharing their swanky condo. Given their rumored purchase of a Chicago condo, The Break-up gets our vote for "Most Likely to be a Foreboding Prediction."
The Fast and The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift (June 16)"Most Likely to be the Season's Third 'Part Three" Block-dudster."
Nacho Libre (June 3)Chew on this for a moment: Jack Blackin spandexplays a priest-turned-Mexican-wrestler who raises money for orphans. Wrong on many levels, Nacho Libre is none other than "Most Likely to Succeed for All the Wrong Reasons."
A Scanner Darkly (July 7)Keanu has been busy making odd little flicks (he co-stars as Sandra Bullock's lover-by-letter in The Lake House, out June 16). He swallows both the red and blue pill in this sci-fi cops and robbers flick, in which he plays a drug-addicted undercover cop chasing himself. It's like a gnarly roadside accident co-starring Winona Ryder and Robert Downey Jr., and we're sure this one will get some rubberneckers, making it "Most Likely to Get An Audience Out of Sheer Curiosity."
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (July 7)Admit it, you couldn't hate the first Pirates, no matter how hard you tried. Despite two strikes against it (Disney dough and sequel status), Pirates part deux may have enough lovable Depp to pull through unscathed, but really, it could go either way for Jack Sparrow and crew, garnering Pirates "Most Likely to Leave You Sitting on the Fence."
Click (June 23)Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale and Christopher Walken ... ay, Dios mio! And then there's a little matter of plot: Sandler is an architect who can fast forward and rewind through his life thanks to a universal remote, until the remote takes over. Hmph, sounds more like "Most Likely to Fast Forward Sandler's Career into a Downward Spiral."
Superman Returns (June 30)Hype, hype, hype. Skeptics: Check out the preview before you're too hard on it. "Most Likely to Surprise."
You, Me and Dupree (July 14)A little leery of anything already being chalked up as this summer's Wedding Crashers (because let's face it, Vince Vaughn was the Old School-Wedding Crashers glue, and he's nowhere near this one), we're at least willing to concede that You, Me and Dupree could break out as "Most Likely to Play the Mega-Plex for Eight Consecutive Months."
Miami Vice (July 28)Will the '80s ever die? Colin Farrell's appearance in any film really only begs one question: What gawd awful coif will Farrell terrify audiences with this summer? Miami Vice is without doubt "Mostly Likely to get a WTF?"
Scoop (July 28)Woody and Scarlett are still in London with this follow-up to Match Point that has Scarlett playing a J-school student in an affair with a British aristocrat. On the heels of Match Point, Scoop begs to be "Most Likely to Forever Typecast Scarlett Johanson as the Oversexed American in London."
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (August 4)NASCAR meets Will Ferrell. Yesssss! Bust out the Keystone, because Talladega is "Most Likely to Revive the Popularity of the Mullet."
Snakes on A Plane (August 18)Samuel L. Jackson and Julianna Margulies battle hundreds of serpents while in mid-air over the Pacific. Creep factor alone makes SOAP "Most Likely to Slither into Obscurity by September."
Factotum (August 18)Based on Charles Bukowski's book and starring Matt Dillon as Henry, money says Factotum doesn't even make it to Boise, which is unfortunate because it gets our vote for "Most Likely to Be a Cult Classic."
Beerfest (August 25)Here's another one we'll be surprised to see in town, but with Supertrooper's Jay Chandrasekhar directing and starring in this comedy about two brothers who find a "Fight Club" with drinking games, it's the summer's "Most Likely to Be an Sleeper Hit."