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Hookers Want to Mow Your Lawn!

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It's a story as old as the West itself: Boy meets prostitute. Boy wants to "save" prostitute (that is, help her find a career where she won't meet people like him). Boy steals, lies and ends up in the clink in his attempts to raise money, while prostitute has her cell phone disconnected and disappears off the face of the earth.

The boy in this case, Roger Sharp, isn't just another ranch hand or prospector. He is--or was--a lieutenant in the Canyon County sheriff's office with 20 years on the job and the title of Emergency Management Coordinator for the county. Sharp pleaded guilty to grand theft for stealing $10,000 of Homeland Security funds and giving them to a prostitute who, according to a written statement reprinted in the Idaho Statesman, he had hired to give him massage therapy for his back. Apparently, the young lady had aspirations of starting the Best Little Lawn Care Shop in Idaho, and Sharps' passion for turf outweighed his loyalty to his employers.

"I thought I could help her out," Sharp said in the statement. He added that a combination of Parkinson's disease, heart problems and sleep apnea had contributed to his lackluster decision-making. Note to future disgraced public officials: "I was horny, but now I'm sorry," is a less popular answer, but one that better withstands critical examination (e.g., "Funny, we haven't noticed the 'Prostitutes who provide physical therapy' section of the yellow pages.").

Sharp has been ordered to repay the county, pay court costs and serve six months of work release, followed by five years of probation.