News » True Crime

He's Too Much

by

We just hope that Charles Cellan can get his situation figured out before Christmas. Because if he doesn't, the annual Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer Christmas Special is going to be without a major character.

We're still not sure which diabolical figure Cellan looks like the most: Is he the hot-to-trot Heat Miser, or is he the chillingly cool Snow Miser?

You be the judge.

In the perennial Christmas special, the flaming hot dude gets his monicker because, well, we'll let the lyrics explain it:

"They call me Heat Miser, / whatever I touch, / starts to melt in my clutch, / I'm too much!"

Agreed. But his frostier counterpart gets his name for an alternative set of attributes:

"I never want to see a day / that's over forty degrees. / I'd rather have it thirty, / twenty, ten, five and let it freeeeEEEEEEeeze!"

Ada County Sheriffs Department officials had no comment on which one Cellan resembled. What they do know is that his wife is pretty much done melting in his clutch.

Not for lack of trying. Cellan, 74, was arrested Friday on felony charges of domestic battery, attempted strangulation and kidapping. He was busted Friday after witnesses reported possible abuse of Cellan's 74-year-old wife. After they'd done some investigating, they found that Cellan had been trying to beat and strangle his wife over the course of a 48-hour period and had even refused to let his wife leave their home, thus the kidnapping charges.

His wife was treated and released from Saint Alphonsus Regional Medical Center, and her name isn't being released. We can understand why. Because if it's really Mrs. Claus he was going after, well, this opens up a whole new ball of wax that our locked-in-childhood brains aren't quite ready to handle. Think of the children, we say. Or, at least, think of the childish. Christmas special season is right around the corner, and we need to have this episode firmly wrapped up by late November.

Cellan is currently on probation after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge in February. Whether this means he'll be able to return to his ice palace or volcano domicile before too long is up in the air. Word has it there will be no singing and dancing numbers in his future.