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GENERATION Y DON'T YOU LOVE ME? • SEXY BEAST • AS FAR FROM TOP 40 AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET • CALL YOUR OWN AMBULANCE WHEN YOU HAVE A STROKE • BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS • WE BELIEVE EVERYTHING • TRUST

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GENERATION Y DON'T YOU LOVE ME?

A team of five grumpy old men posing as university psychologists released the results of a study that found that today's kids are far more self-centered than previous generations. The official-sounding "Narcissistic Personality Inventory" survey was given to over 16,000 students between the years 1982 and 2006, and asked students to agree or disagree with statements such as "I think I am a special person," and "If I ruled the world, it would be a better place." The study found that almost two-thirds of today's kids display a higher level of narcissism than the 1982 average. Or maybe the new generation is just better at messing with stupid surveys given to them by psychologists. Last August, another youth-bashing study of 300 business owners in Australia revealed that today's bosses feel that the new generation of workers is "demanding, impatient and spoiled, with poor spelling, poor grammar, poor communication skills and an inability to understand what constitutes appropriate corporate behavior." (The Atlantic)

SEXY BEAST

Not too many women have a fetish for hairy men, but those who do are in luck as the hairiest man in the world (as recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records in 2002) has joined an Internet dating site in order to find a wife. Yu Zhenhuan said that his girlfriend recently dumped him, and his parents are concerned that he will never get married. "I feel like King Kong, hideous, but with a soft and tender heart," he told reporters. (Ananova)

AS FAR FROM TOP 40 AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY GET

Great news for lovers of weird music. The cool kids over at Ubu.com spent 2007 re-creating their 365 Days Project (originally unleashed on the world in 2003) in which they posted one very strange MP3 for every single day of 2003. The result alternated between the terrific and the terrible with a collection of crazy tunes including everything from Cambodian yodelers to creepy extreme Christians to seriously bad street musicians to poorly executed home recordings and even a taping of a radio program that deciphered the rantings of Satan when you listen to "Stairway to Heaven" backwards. I haven't yet had a chance to dig through the 2007 cuts, but I suspect plenty of charming prizes await. Turn up your speakers and point your browser to the 365 Days Project at Ubu.com.

CALL YOUR OWN AMBULANCE WHEN YOU HAVE A STROKE

Trying to cash in on a billion smokers, a Chinese company has designed a trippy little cell phone that looks exactly like a pack of cigarettes, right down to the warning labels on the outside of the pack. Best of all, the phone itself can hold half a pack of cigarettes. Simply slide open the battery cover and pass around the joy on your next smoke break. A luxurious box set sells for about $175, which will get you the phone, a pack of Chonghwa cigarettes and a lighter. Check it out at Gearfuse.com.

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

While the Chinese combine cellphones and cigarettes, the Japanese have started selling the long-overdue smoke and coffee combo. The new product combines a pack of Marlboros with a can of Japan's leading brand of coffee for that perfect hit of caffeinated nicotine. (Times Online)

WE BELIEVE EVERYTHING

The latest survey of Americans has found that 82 percent believe in God, 79 percent believe in miracles, over 70 percent believe in heaven and angels, over 60 percent believe in hell and the devil, 42 percent believe in the theory of evolution, 39 percent believe in creationism, and one-third of Americans believe in UFOs, witches and astrology. (Herald Sun)

TRUST no ONE UNDER 3'0"

The Swedes must have read last week's story about the cab driver who had a guy stowed in his trunk who would steal valuables out of the customer's luggage during the cab ride. According to the newspaper Expressen, the Swedish version of this scam involves a team of thieves who hide their midget friends inside hockey bags and place them in the cargo hold of buses, where they were able to steal the loot while in transit.

I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK

Twenty-one percent of Americans report being bored out of their minds on a regular basis.

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