Rule 1. When greeting family at Thanksgiving, leave sharp objects at home. Open carry only if you plan to use your gun at the table. Arrange in advance for bail.
Rule 2. For each family member or dinner attendee who voted or caucused differently from you, practice positive internal talk. Hold in your mind a favorite memory of them.
Rule 3. Before sitting down to eat, each person at the table will make themselves a set of five name tags or labels. The first label will list: names of 2016 presidential candidate(s) voted for, caucused for or written in. (Font or type size indicates the level of enthusiasm for that candidate.)
Rule 4. Racially and ethnically mixed families will create labels for race or ethnicity. These should be larger than the label for presidential candidate.
Rule 5. Each person will wear a label stating preferred gender pronoun and level of support for non-consensual pussy grabbing. Labels will be color and number coded. One number should list the degree of attraction or number of times the wearer has been attracted to members of the opposite sex. A second number should list the degree or number of times attracted to members of the same sex. EXAMPLES:
1. BLUE--male/him/he opposes men grabbing women by the pussy.
2. TEAL--male/him/he believes men have a God-given, inalienable right to grab women by the pussy.
3. PINK--female/her/she will dismember men who grab women's pussies without consent.
4. RED--female/her/she believes rape culture is not taught and men were endowed by God with a natural urge to grab women's pussies.
5. GREEN--gender neutral/they oppose grabbing genitals without consent.
6. YELLOW--gender neutral/they believe all people were endowed by their creator with an inalienable right to non-consensual pussy grabbing regardless of the gender or genderless status of the pussy's owner.
Rule 6. No locker room talk.
Rule 7. Each person will wear a label disclosing their religion--in detail. Mini spiral notebooks should be attached to the lapel of each dinner guest. Each will contain the following:
1. Name of religion and a number between 1 and 10 to disclose how completely the tenets of the religion are followed;
2. A list of most cherished tenets;
3. A list of all tenets rejected or opposed;
4. Hashtags denoting whose lives matter.
Rule 8. If there's a prayer, it should be inclusive and written by a representative sample of those in attendance after a round of shots of cooking brandy.
Rule 9. Each person at the table should disclose their disabilities: developmental or acquired and whether they are physical, cognitive, or mental health-related. Tags should detail war or trauma related impairments, prejudices, ADHD, addiction (abused substance(s) listed in detail), depression, nymphomania, psychosis, etc. Heads of households may purchase a copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition in preparation for dinner.
Rule 10. Agree to "P" not "PP": Agree to talk about policy, not party politicians or political parties.
Rule 11. The post-dinner debrief must include a group hug.
NOTE: Dinner may be followed by a caucus of members committed to the resistance: those hoping to infiltrate the administration, register as Muslims, stand in for immigrants being deported; those organizing boycotts, setting up back alley women's health centers, refusing to pay student loans; those setting up militias, mid-term election campaigns, presidential drag-a-thons, kiss ins, public booing, etc.
Nicole LeFavour is a longtime educator and activist, and served in both the Idaho House of Representatives and Idaho State Senate.