I'll be honest: Drinking flavored tequila is about as enticing to me as taking body shots at a Cancun Carlos'n Charlie's. After college, there's no good reason to stumble down that road. I prefer to savor good tequila straight up or with a touch of lime and sugar, margarita-style. But that treatment won't cut it with these three tequilas, which require ample mixers to get down the hatch.
Jose Cuervo Cinge, $18.95
If you're in the market for boozy Red Hots, Jose Cuervo's Cinge should do the trick. Clocking in at 35 percent alcohol by volume, this syrupy hooch has about as much in common with tequila as Fireball does with whiskey. Though Cinge is almost thick enough to pour on a pile of pancakes, we suggest adding a few glugs to a mug of hot chocolate and pairing it with a side of cinnamon-dusted churros.
1800 Coconut, $27.95
This concoction smells like someone spilled tequila inside a tanning booth at a scented candle outlet. Though it's made with 1800 Silver Tequila infused with "natural coconut flavor," 1800 Coconut doesn't retain any of the original spirit's smoothness. This one would fare better inside a real coconut mixed with enough fruit juice and flowery accoutrements to distract you from the taste. Spring Break bonus: The bottle stopper doubles as an awkward shot glass.
Tanteo Jalapeno, $37.95
"Oh, God," was the first thing uttered after we popped the top on this aggressively fragrant tequila. Made with 100 percent agave blanco tequila infused with "a proprietary blend of small farm, coastal jalapenos," this hand-numbered tequila tastes like biting into a fresh pepper. Don't like drinking peppers? Buy a shot for an unsuspecting friend and watch the fireworks.