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February 1, 2006

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THE MOST EXPENSIVE VOMIT ON EARTH

The next time you see a disgusting lump of vomit lying on the beach instead of just trying not to step in it you might want to take it home and have it analyzed by a marine biologist. Why's that, you ask? Because an Australian couple stand to earn a cool quarter-million dollars for a lump of whale vomit that they found on a beach in South Australia. The technical word for what they found is called ambergris, which also goes by the nickname "floating gold" and is an extremely rare material used in perfumes. Ambergris begins its life as foul-smelling waste matter vomited up by sperm whales, but years of exposure to sun and salt water as it floats in the ocean transforms it into sweet smelling ingredient for perfumes which fetches up to $20 a gram, making the 30-pound lump found by the Australian couple worth up to $295,000. (BBC)

WHO SAID MODERN DENTISTRY IS PAINLESS?

The only thing worse than having your cavities drilled out by a dentist is having your cavities drilled out by someone who isn't a dentist. So the next time you have a checkup make sure your dentist's name matches the diploma on the wall ... or risk being worked on by the dentist's lover. Unfortunately this was the sad fate of over 600 patients in the United Kingdom who had their dental work done by the boyfriend of a dentist who now faces a two-year sentence thanks to her horrific negligence. The General Dental Council found that Dr. Mojgan Azari had allowed her boyfriend to drill out cavities without anaesthetic and improperly install expensive fillings on over 600 patients between 2002 and 2003. As well as torturing hundreds of victims, the health service calculated that fixing their dental work has cost the agency around $317,000. (MSNBC)

BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

When can you be put in jail for not committing murder? When you've been paid to do the dirty deed but decide to spend the money on a vacation with your wife instead. So goes the tale of Kevin Reeves, who was paid a total of 20,000 British pounds by Christine Ryder, a suicidal woman who wanted him to kill her. At first Reeves promised to hire a professional killer to do the job, but then kept asking for more money when the hitmen didn't show up for work. Finally, Reeves promised to personally kill Ryder for a little bit more cash, but then he spent the money on a holiday with his wife while Ryder continued to live. Finally, she took him to court where he was charged with breach of contract and sentenced to 15 months in prison. Meanwhile, Ryder still lives, and was compensated 2,000 British pounds for her ordeal. (London Times)

THE DEFINITION OF BURNING LOVE

An Austrian man who must have been really stoned decided to use 220 candles to create a huge flaming heart on the floor of his living room in order to impress his girlfriend. Unfortunately, the plan can only be considered a success if his girlfriend is impressed by stupidity. After lighting his artwork, Hannes Pisek, 20, went to pick up his lover from work and bring her home to show off his romantic gesture. And I'm sure you can guess how this one ends ... by the time they got back firefighters were on the scene trying to save what was left of his apartment. (Ananova)

CHUCK NORRIS WILL HUNT YOU DOWN IF YOU DON'T READ THIS

And now, from what must be Chuck Norris' favorite Web site, ChuckNorrisFacts.com, some little known facts about Chuck Norris: 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever. 2. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. 3. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down. 4. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 5. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

BE GRATEFUL YOUR FATHER WASN'T FRANK ZAPPA

Bob Geldof's daughter Peaches has come out with a plea for famous people to stop giving their kids stupid names. "I hate ridiculous names, my weird name has haunted me all my life," said Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof, who urged celebrities to quit ruining their children's lives. Peaches was also speaking on behalf of her three sisters: Fifi Trixabelle, Pixie and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lilly.

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