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Exactly How Green Are Those Little Green Men? • An Even More Inconvenient Truth • May We Live Long and Die Out

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EXACTLY HOW GREEN ARE THOSE LITTLE GREEN MEN?

Former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer is back in the news after calling on governments of the world to release their knowledge of secret alien technologies in order to help us stop climate change. Hellyer, now 83, who once warned that "the United States military are preparing weapons, which could be used against the aliens, and they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning," now hopes our knowledge of extraterrestrial technology might be our ticket out of the fossil fuel age. "We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know," Hellyer told the Ottawa Citizen. "Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough." Check out all of Hellyer's rather unique proposals at Exopolitics.com.

AN EVEN MORE INCONVENIENT TRUTH

If the aliens can't help us, maybe vegans can (although I'm not sure they exist either). Last week, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wrote a letter to Al Gore advising him that his film missed the single most effective way to help end global warming, which would be going on a strict vegan diet. They cited a 2006 United Nations report that claimed that raising animals for food generates more greenhouse gases than all of the cars and trucks in the world combined, concluding that the meat industry is "one of the top two or three most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global." PETA went on to offer to cook Al Gore a fried faux-chicken dinner, because, they say "you just can't be a meat-eating environmentalist." (Peta.org)

MAY WE LIVE LONG AND DIE OUT

Of course, to be completely accurate (and to take the argument to its logical conclusion), the single most effective way to help the environment is to break the cycle of polluters altogether by refusing to have children. So goes the thinking over at The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, whose mandate is "phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed" in order to allow Earth's biosphere to return to good health. At least they mean well. Check out Vhemt.org, where they answer such pressing questions as: I'm extra smart, shouldn't I pass on my genes? What's wrong with having babies, don't you like babies? Doesn't the economy need more consumers? And, the clincher: Are we all supposed to kill ourselves?

I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU AREN'T

If you think your relationship is a bit dysfunctional, just wait until you hear the tale of this completely messed up couple in Congquing, China. Exhibit A: Zhao Gang, 32, who lost his first wife in a car accident three years ago. After constant pressure from his family to remarry, Zhao finally found a woman who looked enough like his old wife to fit the bill. "I got married only because she looks a bit like her," said Zhao. If that isn't psychologically unstable enough, Zhao has now convinced his new wife to have plastic surgery in order to try to make her identical to his first wife. Which brings us to Exhibit B: Cai, a woman of such shockingly low self-esteem that she agreed to the procedure. "I feel conflicted. I don't want to become another's shadow, but I also don't want to lose the family," said Cai. "Now I only hope the surgery will not make me look ugly." Fortunately their fate is in the hands of a plastic surgeon who has insisted that the couple undergo psychiatric consultation before the procedure is performed. "Plastic surgery is not the best way to sustain a relationship," explained the good doctor. (Ananova)

HOW ABOUT CONTROLLING THEM TO STOP SHITTING ON EVERYTHING?

Chinese scientists are finally beginning to catch up with military engineers in America with their announcement that they have created a remote-controlled pigeon. Xinhau News Agency reports that China's Robot Engineering Technology Research Center successfully implanted electrodes in the puny brain of a pigeon in order to command it to fly in whichever direction they wanted. Of course, this is kind of old news since remote-controlled rats, fish, mice and monkeys have already been tested by the U.S. military. But don't think you're safe from the controllers. Last year, a Japanese company unveiled a helmet that was able to remotely control a human by shooting small jolts of electricity at the brain. (The Telegraph)

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