AN INTRAVENOUS CAFFEINE DRIP WILL COMPLETE THIS INVENTION
A group of students at Brown University in Rhode Island have invented an alarm clock that will wake you up during the lightest cycle of your sleep in order to eliminate waking up groggy and tired. The "SleepSmart" clock includes a headband that measures your brain waves while you sleep and keeps track of your sleep phases while you move through the light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep cycles throughout the night. This contraption communicates wirelessly with a clock that you program with the very latest time that you want to be wakened. The clock then makes sure that it wakes you up during the very lightest phase of your sleep before the appointed time. This, according to the inventors, will increase the chances that you wake up feeling refreshed and energetic in the morning. (New Scientist)
GET YOURSELF A TIME
MACHINE SO YOU CAN Go BACK AND BUY THIS THING
Sorry you missed it, but if I had told you earlier you would have gone and driven up the price of Uncle Ricos' time machine, which was sold on eBay last week for $202.50. Yes, an exact replica of the time machine used by Uncle Rico in the hilarious film Napoleon Dynamite could have been yours. According to the listing on eBay: "Your friends will TOTALLY TRIP when they walk in see this sitting on YOUR table!! And they can not go out and buy one. This is a SWEET ONE-OF-A-KIND nearly exact replica! Complete with T-Handle, Headpiece, and One LARGE Crystal INCLUDED for Maximum Time-Travelazation. The analog year counter is even STUCK on 1982!" Sweet!
AFTERBIRTH ON CANVAS
A couple of married artists in Germany are hoping to "shock society" by turning the birth of their first child into an exhibition at an art gallery in Berlin. These two morons are so full of themselves they actually say things like "It's a gift to humanity, a once-in-a-lifetime thing," and, "It's a bit of a test to see if society can cope." Don't worry, society will hum along just fine after your cheap publicity stunt has faded into the dusty pages of art history. (Reuters)
YOU ARE GETTING SLEEPY
The scientific journal, Science, reports that researchers have managed to induce hibernation in mammals for the first time ever, and believe that they will someday be able to put humans into a hibernation-like state. Scientists at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle have been able to put mice into a state similar to suspended animation for up to six hours and revive them back to normal life. This remarkable feat was achieved by having mice breathe hydrogen sulfide, a naturally occurring chemical that virtually stops cellular activity. "We think this may be a latent ability that all mammals have -potentially even humans-and we're just harnessing it and turning it on and off, inducing a state of hibernation on demand," said lead researcher Mark Roth. Eventually, they hope to use human hibernation for trauma care, organ transplants, cancer research and space travel.
HOW TO FREEZE DOG POO
I don't know what's left on your "do these things before I die" list, but I know for a fact that "freeze some dog shit" is still waiting for some of your attention. Well now you can cross that one off your list thanks to a new product called Poop-Freeze, an aerosol freeze spray which, according to the sales pitch, "forms a frosty film on dog poop (or cat poop) to harden the surface for easy pick-up." I'm sure you're just as excited as I am! Rush on over for yours at www.poop-freeze.com.
WHAT'S GREEN AND RED AND GOES FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN ONE SECOND FLAT?
Up to 1000 exploding toads in Germany have got scientists and veterinarians stumped for an explanation. According to a local news report out of Hamburg, a small pond is home to what are now hundreds of dead toads whose bodies apparently swelled to a bursting point and then exploded. So far, the best guess of the experts is that this bizarre event was somehow caused by a fungus which may have been spread to the pond by foreign race horses at a nearby track. (local6.com)
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "Commercials are an unnatural use of my work. It's like having a cow's udder sewn to the side of my face. Painful and humiliating." -Tom Waits, commenting on why he refuses to sell his music to advertising agencies. Waits is considering legal action against a German car company who he claims has stolen his "unique vocal style" for one of their ads. (CBC)