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Curious Times

by andreas ohrt

END OF THE WORLD UPDATE

The death of the pope has rekindled interest in the prophecies of St. Malachy, a 12th century Irish bishop whose predictions foretell that there will only be two more popes before the end of the world. According to the legend, St. Malachy had a remarkable gift for prophetic visions and supposedly even predicted the exact day and hour of his own death in 1148 A.D. His most famous prediction concerns his vision of 112 popes who were to lead the church after his death, and the coming tribulation during the reign of the last pope. If this list is accurate, John Paul II was the 110th pope, and the world's final pope, whom St. Malachy called "Peter the Roman," would rule at a time when "the city of the seven hills (Jerusalem) will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge the people. The End." (newsmax.com)

TURN THE OTHER CHEEK taKES ON A NEW MEANING

The first openly gay Anglican bishop in America is facing the wrath of more traditional Anglicans by suggesting that Jesus might have been gay. In a sermon called "Homosexuality and the Body of Christ: Is There A New Way?" The Rev. Gene Robinson, the bishop of New Hampshire, pointed out that Jesus was a very non-traditional man, was never married, did not uphold "family values," travelled with a group of men, and had an unusually close relationship with one of his disciples. "Those who would posit the nuclear family as the be-all and end-all of God's creation probably don't find that much in the gospels to support it," he said. Those who disagree with this possibility haven't exactly stepped up to the plate with a logical rebuttal. "It is a wonder that thunder and lightning bolts don't strike Bishop Robinson down," said one evangelical commentator. (The Telegraph UK)

DEATH TO AMERICA

A Palestinian scholar with a severe case of wishful thinking disease has claimed the portions of the Koran prophesize the destruction of America in 2007. Ziad Silwadi claims that his interpretations of the Koran predict a series of earthquakes in both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans which will cause massive tsunamis which will drown the sinners in the U.S. According to Silwadi, America still hasn't paid for its genocide of Native Americans, enslaving blacks and the detonation of nuclear weapons in Japan. "If no one on earth is capable of punishing [the U.S.], Allah was and remains able to do so." (Jerusalem Post)

RACY SEX

According to a survey carried out by the Daily Record newspaper in the U.K., black men and white women have more sexual partners than men and women of any other race. The study found that black Caribbean and black African men reported an average of nine lovers during their lifetimes, while white women reported an average of five sexual partners. Meanwhile, pity points go out to the entire nation of Pakistan, whose men and women average only one sexual partner during their entire lives.

SOMETIMES STUPIDITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTIONS

What do you do if you're a scientist facing a new problem but you're not intelligent enough to create a solution? Grab the duct tape, of course! And if that doesn't work, try tin foil. Swiss scientists have proposed an "innovative" solution to rapidly melting glaciers in the Alps. They plan to wrap the glaciers in aluminum foil in order to reflect the sun off and keep them cool. Carlo Danioth, head of mountain rescue services at Andermatt, Switzerland, claims that "We will initially cover around 30,000 square feet on the upper Gurschen glacier at the beginning of May as a test." (Ananova)

GHOST NEAR THE MACHINE

A Japanese company has released what it calls "GhostRadar"-a small hand-held gadget which will supposedly detect the presence of ghosts in your area. Solid Alliance Vice President Yuichiro Saito said that the device will beep and flash red lights when it senses unusual magnetic waves, which might be the result of ghosts coming to haunt you-but he refused to explain how the gadget works or how they can possibly live with themselves for blatantly misrepresenting what their toy can do. "This detects invisible phenomena and so the system is confidential," he said. "This is not a game. This is a measuring device." GhostRadar, which costs a little over $150, is already selling in Japan and will hit the United States in a few weeks. (breakingnews.ie)

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