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Curious Times: What Jesus is Smoking, Useless Drunks, Swear Away Pain

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WHAT WOULD JESUS SMOKE?

An article in High Times magazine called "Was Jesus a Stoner?" argues that Jesus Christ may have used a cannabis-based anointing oil in order to help cure people of such ailments as skin diseases, eye problems, menstrual problems and even epilepsy. Author Chris Bennet says that his conclusions are based on scriptural texts and claims that the medical use of cannabis during the time of Christ is supported by archaeological records. "The holy anointing oil, as described in the original Hebrew version of the recipe in Exodus, contained over six pounds of keneh-bosum--a substance identified by respected etymology, linguists anthropologists, botanists and other researchers as cannabis extracted into about six quarts of olive oil along with a variety of other fragrant herbs," claims Bennet. Researchers believe that the keneh-bosom extract, which is absorbed into the body when placed on the skin, could have helped cure people of a variety of physical and mental problems.

IT'S ALL FUN and GAMES UNTIL THE MEDIA GET HYSTERICAL

Two separate news items this week warn not to let your children play at the beach or in their bathtubs. The first comes from a study by the University of North Carolina that spent $63,000 of taxpayer money to discover that kids who dig in the sand at the beach are 13 percent more likely to get a stomach ailment and 20 percent more likely to get diarrhea than kids who are forced to sit quietly under a beach umbrella wearing their bicycle helmets (OK, I made that last part up). Meanwhile, the journal Pediatrics published data that found that 120 children are injured every day while playing in the shower or bathtub. Which is fine because they won't need baths anymore if they never go outside and play. (signondandiego.com/wbaltv.com)

READING, WRITING, ROGERING

A sexual education pamphlet being distributed to high school students in Britain has caused an outrage by pointing out the physical and psychological benefits of having an enjoyable sex life. The leaflet proudly declares that "an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away" and goes on to ask the kids: "Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes' physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?" (The Telegraph)

WAIT 'TIL COLLEGE TO BECOME A USELESS DRUNK

While Britain tries to get their kids to enjoy sex, Italy is trying to get their kids to stop enjoying alcohol. After centuries of teaching their children to drink wine with every meal, the city of Milan is trying to enforce a ban on the sale and consumption of alcohol to anyone under the age of 16. The new laws go into effect after a study showed that one-third of 11 year olds in Milan have alcohol related problems. From now on, anyone caught serving a teenager alcohol faces a fine of up to $700. (BBC)

swear your pain away

Scientists have come up with a great excuse to swear your ass off the next time you smash yourself with a hammer or something. Research now proves that swearing lessens feelings of physical pain and allows you to withstand pain for a longer period of time. "Increased aggression has been shown to reduce people's sensitivity to pain, so it could be swearing is helping this process," explained the genius who published this research. ( The Telegraph)

RECOMMENDED BY zero OUT OF FIVE PLASTIC SURGEONS

Japanese researchers have created a chewing gum that they claim can increase breast size by as much as 80 percent. "Bust-Up Gum," also known as B2Up, contains an extract from a plant called Pueraria mirifica used by ancient Thai and Burmese cultures as a medicinal herb. According to the Japanese scientists, the plant contains chemicals called phytoestrogens--natural compounds that mimic the effects of the female sex hormone estrogen--which can improve circulation, reduce stress, fight aging, and somehow magically increase the size of a woman's breasts. (BBC)

INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK

Laboratory rats that are forced to run mazes all day have dreams about running those mazes while they sleep.

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