SEX, THE MIRACLE CURE
It seems that sex is the ultimate cure-all for whatever might ail you. In an article titled "25 Ailments That Can Be Cured By Having Sex," the author briefly touches on scientific research that links sex to some of the most common medical conditions of our time. For example, sex cures depression thanks to a chemical in semen that makes women happier; sex cures headaches by releasing tension in the blood vessels of the brain; sex can relieve the pain and inflammation of arthritis (according to the book, How to Treat Arthritis with Sex and Alcohol); sex stimulates the immune system and helps fight off the common cold; sex boosts testosterone, which helps build bones and muscles; sex helps relax people enough to cure insomnia; sex releases endorphins and oxytocins, which will cure a hangover; men who have sex more than twice a week have a lower risk of heart attack, and sex is a form of exercise that burns calories and strengthens the heart. Enjoy. (Examiner.com)
"MORE FOOD, YOU CRAZY BITCH"
The search for that perfect Christmas present for the crazy cat lady on your list is over. Hit up Amazon, where you can buy a book called Do Cats Have ESP? in which author Jeane Dixon explains her contention that cats give her information about the future through telepathic communication. And if that isn't enough for you to throw down your hard-earned cash, this book also includes a special section of horoscopes for your cat, which explains that Leo cats are shy and Sagittarius cats are candid with their opinions.
BORED MATH GEEKs
According to horror movie-loving math geeks, the perfect equation for making a scary film is (es+u+cs+t) squared +s+ (tl+f)/2 + (a+dr+fs)/n + sin x - 1. Got it? If you're a wannabe slasher flick director, follow along closely: escalating music (es) plus the unknown (u) plus chase scenes (cs) plus the sense of being trapped (t) squared plus shock (s) plus true life (tl) and fantasy (f) added together and divided by two, plus whether the characters are alone (a) or in the dark (dr), plus the film setting (fs) divided by the number of people in the film (n). Lastly, add blood and guts (sin x) and subtract 1 for every stereotype. Whew. What a load of crap. But anyway, this equation supposedly proves that the most perfect horror film ever made is The Shining. (The Guardian)
WHAT ARE YOU, THE JOKER?
The mayor of Batman, Turkey, is planning to sue Warner Bros., the company that owns the Batman character, for an undisclosed amount of royalties from the movie The Dark Knight. "There is only one Batman in the world," said Mayor Huseyin Kalkan. "The American producers used the name of our city without informing us." His lawsuit also claims that the psychological impact of the film has caused a number of unsolved murders and a higher than usual rate of suicide among the women of his town since the film premiered. (Variety)
THIS IS YOUr BRAIN ON MIND CONTROL
The mayor of Batman isn't the only one filing unwinnable litigation. Jerry Rose, a man in Nanaimo, British Columbia, is seeking $2 billion in damages from Microsoft, Telus, Wal-Mart and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for mind-control harassment and invasive brainwave experiments. "I think this is akin to someone saying they sustained injuries because their boat fell off the edge of the world," said Jennifer Millbank, the lawyer representing Microsoft. "My clients ought not to be subjected to what is a nuisance lawsuit." But the judge didn't agree, claiming that while the case was certainly bizarre, there was nothing in the claim that could not be litigated. Along with the charges of mind control, Rose also charges the defendants with satanic rituals, witchcraft and stealing a computer technology that he invented. (Vancouver Sun)
TRY FINING THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE THEM MONEY
The city of Chattanooga, Tenn., has discovered the obvious: Panhandlers don't have any money. Since implementing a law in May 2007 that imposed a fine for panhandling, only about 3 percent of those fines have actually been paid. (Chattanooga Times Free Press)
INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK
Thirty-three percent of people on diets end up being heavier than before they started.
Get way more bizarro news at curioustimes.com.