AS LONG AS GOD STILL LOVES HUMANS THE BEST
Great news for all you sinners. There's one less reason to go to hell now that the Vatican's chief astronomer (who knew?) says it is OK to believe in alien life from other planets. In an interview published in the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, the Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes admitted that a belief in extraterrestrials does not contradict faith in God. "How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere? It would still be part of creation," he explained, claiming that ruling out the existence of aliens would be like putting limits on God's creative freedom.
AND YOU THOUGHT ALIEN JESUS WAS JUST A CHEAP NOVELTY GIFT
The Vatican's announcement reminded me of a strange book that claims Jesus is a hyperspace extraterrestrial who is turning humans into aliens. This according to Ronald F. Avery, author of Alien Physics, who claims that Jesus was born to a mother who he had turned into an alien. "Jesus is the first extraterrestrial hyperspace alien to visit planet Earth. He was sent to Earth by Eternal Space or his father, which is God. Jesus was conceived by eternal space, and born of a virgin," writes Avery, who goes on to explain that many humans have been "alienated" (his word) by Jesus, and anyone can be transformed into an immortal alien being simply by going through a star gate opened by Jesus. Learn how at AlienPhysics.com
THIS WINE TASTES FUNKY
Research by psychologists at Heriot Watt University has found that playing different types of music will affect how wine seems to taste. Four types of music from mellow to heavy were played while college students sipped their wines and then were asked to rate the flavors. The most dramatic change occurred when "powerful and heavy" music was played while the subjects were drinking Cabernet Sauvignon. In that case, reviewers were 60 percent more likely to rate the wine as powerful and heavy. White wine was rated 40 percent more zingy and refreshing when "zingy and refreshing" music was played and 26 percent more mellow and soft when "mellow and soft" music was played. This study follows another carried out by the same researchers that found people are five times more likely to buy French wine than German wine if accordion music is playing in the background and twice as likely to buy the German wine if oompah band music is playing in the background. (BBC)
FINALLY, A BANK THAT SPEAKS TO ME
Smashing every stereotype you've ever had about Germans, bankers and German bankers, the head of a German bank has released advice to his customers to stop concerning themselves so much with the acquisition of money and begin having more sex and getting more sleep. James Montier, strategist for Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein, said "I thought it was time that I reminded people there was more to life than watching screens every day." (Reuters)
WHAT'S THAT OLD LINE ABOUT A FOOL AND HIS MONEY?
A Vietnamese man in Norway received an extremely expensive lesson in gullibility after falling for a Frenchman's scheme to double his money by marinating it in a special liquid. The con artist convinced our foolish victim to leave the money with him overnight so that he could mix the cash with blank bills and letting them marinate in a magic money doubling liquid. Predictably, the Vietnamese man went to collect his cash in the morning and found neither his money nor the scammer. (News.Xinhaunet.com)
SOMEONE COULD HAVE USED A DESIGNATED SPITTER
The "drunk and stupid" news wing serves up another tragic tale of idiocy this week as a Swiss man is dead after engaging in a spitting contest with his inebriated buddy. Trying to see which drunken moron could spit the furthest off the balcony of their hotel, the 29-year-old Swiss dude took a running start in order to hork the longest loogie. Instead he lost his balance and plummeted 20 feet to the sidewalk below. (Herald Sun)
I-READ-IT-ON-THE-INTERNET-SO-IT-MUST-BE-TRUE FACT OF THE WEEK
It is illegal to be a prostitute in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary.
Get way more bizarro news at CuriousTimes.com.