WE HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM
A poker-playing robot finally defeated humans last week at the Man-Machine Poker Competition in Las Vegas. Polaris 2.0, designed by graduate students at the University of Alberta, lost the first two rounds of the event but used its newly built-in ability to learn from its mistakes and switch strategies midstream to confuse the humans and win the last two matches of the tournament. By the way, this is a good place to remind you that if you play online poker, your days are numbered. Artificial intelligence experts warn that in the near future, poker-bots will take over the online gaming world and gambling online will become a sucker's game that will be virtually impossible for humans to beat. (EETimes.com)
MAKING MONEY OFF THE (BRAIN) DEAD
Some nut in Russia who had been scamming idiots with claims that he could resurrect the dead was sentenced to 11 years of hard labor last week. Grigory Grabovoy was found guilty of 11 cases of fraud, including a case in which a woman paid Grabovoy 118,000 rubles (over $5,000) to resurrect her two dead sons. "He used a special method of influencing people distressed by the loss of relatives or the illness of loved ones," read the judge in the decision. Despite the verdict, Grabovoy's supporters continue to claim that he has special healing powers and was unfairly persecuted. (Reuters)
IT NO LONGER TAKES TWO TO TANGO
Police in Phoenix responded to a routine call to break up a domestic dispute between a man and woman last week only to find a 21-year-old man arguing with himself. According to the officers, the man was changing the pitch of his voice and acting out each part of the argument while destroying the inside of his apartment. (Kpho.com)
THESE NUTS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY
Science has discovered yet another good reason to have a few drinks now and then. Researchers in Britain who were studying the effects of lifestyle on sperm count found that men who drink alcohol regularly have better quality semen than non-drinkers. Cheers! (ScienceAGogo.com)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A
METROSEXUAL IF ...
Speaking of scrotums, you can now hit up BallaPowder.com to order a "scented scrotum talc" to keep your boys smelling sweet. According to the sales blurb, "Balla Powder for Men is the ideal anti-chafing and anti-wetness solution for clammy sacks ... can be sprinkled into your fudgies for all-day-long comfort and dryness ... can also be used between your cheeks, as well as on fetid feet and aromatic armpits."
GRUMPY OLD MEN
Science has finally made it official: old men are grumpier than old women. The research out of England found that women are freed from burdens such as raising a family as they get older, which makes them happier than old men, who generally miss being productive members of the workforce. The study also found that men who had been divorced, separated or widowed were the grumpiest of all, while those men who had lots of retirement cash were the least grumpy. (Daily Mail)
GOD'S GIFT TO PRIESTS
American porn star Belladonna arrived in Australia for World Youth Day last week and began lecturing the Pope on how the Catholic church should be providing sex education to its priests in order to prevent future charges of sexual abuse. Among her sage advice was the suggestion that priests watch porn in order to help them to distinguish sexual fantasy from real-life sex, but she didn't exactly explain how porno flicks could possibly do that. To get the party started, Belladonna offered to donate 300 of her films to the Catholic church in Australia and even offered to donate some of her valuable time to set up what she called a "meaningful set of exercises for priests to help them deal with sexual tension and stress." (News.com.au)
MAY YOU LIVE IN CURIOUS TIMES
What a total bummer. Turns out that my favorite Chinese curse—"May you live in interesting times"—isn't actually a curse at all but was taken from the 1900 book The Wallet of Kai Lung. Two other curses follow: "May you come to the attention of those in high places" and "May the gods grant your prayers."
Get more news at CuriousTimes.com.