A BOY NAMED SUE
A man who might be entering the Guinness Book of Records as the most litigious person in the world has filed a lawsuit against Guinness in order to stop them from naming him as the person who has filed the most lawsuits in the history of the world. Jonathan Lee Riches, serving a prison term until 2012, has filed more than 4,000 lawsuits worldwide against such notables as George W. Bush, Britney Spears, Martha Stewart, Somali pirates, Nostradamus, the Eiffel Tower, Three Mile Island and the makers of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" His latest lawsuit claims that Guinness plans to publish false information about him and call him names such as "Johnny Sue-nami," "The Duke of Lawsuits" and "Sue-per-man." After Riches gets the psychological treatment he needs and is finally released from prison, he plans to start a class called "Lawsuit 101" in order to teach ordinary people how to sue without a lawyer. "I will sell Jonathan Lee Riches T-shirts," he claims, printed with the phrase "Watch what you do, or I'll sue you." (spokesman.com)
HOW TO BLOW STREET CRED
Lesson No. 1 on how to be a gangster is don't shoot yourself in the crotch. Too bad Lukas Neuhardt, 27, failed this simple task when he tried to show off his gun to his friends and accidently shot himself in the most unfortunate of places. And while surgeons were able to stitch his manhood back together, the humiliation doesn't end there as Neuhardt may face up to three years in jail for breaching Germany's tough new gun laws. (Ananova)
THE END OF THE UNIVERSE
The latest research from astrophysicists at Stanford University suggests that the universe will actually be around for another 24 billion years. Using data from the Hubble Space Telecope, observations suggest that the universe is expanding even faster than we thought. This leads astrophysicists to conclude that the universe will last at least twice as long as it has already before it collapses back on itself in what has been dubbed the "big crunch." While the Stanford team gives the universe another 24 billion years, other scientists believe the universe will simply continue to expand forever. "All bets are off in terms of predicting the fate of the universe," said Robert Caldwell of Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. (nature.com)
YES WE CAN ... RIP YOU OFF
A politician in Croatia has been elected mayor of his town after running on a platform of total honesty. In fact, he was so honest that he promised the voters that if he was elected, he would rip them off at any opportunity. Using the slogan "All for me--nothing for you" Josko Risa convinced the citizens that they might as well vote for him because he wasn't going to lie about his corrupt politics. "We're going to get ripped off no matter who takes over," rationalized one voter. "At least he's being honest and up front about it." (Ananova)
BIG HAIRY DEAL
The coolest beard in the world now officially belongs to David Traver of Alaska after the judges' decision at the 2009 World Beard Championships. Traver finally knocked the Germans from their domination of the events by winning the overall freestyle full beard championship with his multi-colored beard woven into the shape of a snowshoe. "They were humble, and you have to respect that," he said of the Germans, but added that "they were getting predictable" after 20 years of beard domination. Check out all the crazy hair and sign up for the next competition to be held in Trondheim, Norway, in 2011 at worldbeardchampionships.com.
BEER IN CHURCH
If beer is your religion, surf on over to beerchurch.com, where you can become an ordained minister for $20. As a Beer Church minister, says this Web site, you must devote yourself to promoting the goodness of beer with the spirit of unity, peace, goodwill and charity; drink beer and like it; and make the Beer Church proud of you. When you're done there, you can find the world's best beer at ohhh.myhead.org, where a bunch of Swedes have taken it upon themselves to judge 6,754 varieties of beer from 144 countries. According to this site, Belgium rules the world as far as brewing beer: Four different Belgian beers hold down the top four spots for tastiest beer in the world.
INTERNET FACT OF THE WEEK
Seventeen percent of people admit to peeing in swimming pools and 78 percent believe other swimmers are peeing in the water.
Get way more bizarro news at curioustimes.com.